The following story is extremely tragic. If you are a marijuana smoker, this story is the worse than witnessing the Holocaust, 9/11, and a thousand abortions at the same time.

OKLAHOMA — It was around 1:30AM Tuesday morning in Durant, Oklahoma when police received a call that there were some mysterious “shrubs” in the street.

Chuck Carroll, field supervisor for the local Drug Task Force, responded to the scene and found 236 indoor-grown cannabis plants laying all over the road.

156 plants laid on a short stretch of road, spaced out in several small groups — each group about 100 yards apart. 80 more plants were found about a mile away. It looked like someone threw them out of the back of a U-Haul while it slowly drove down the road.

The Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs Control estimates the total street value of all the plants to be nearly $500,000.

No arrests have been made yet, but I’m 99% sure THIS is what happened:

There’s a famous saying: “Hell hath no fury like a woman that irrationally thinks she has been scorned.” It basically means that women act crazy for no reason and it’s true.

The grower of the plants is a married man with a bi-polar wife. He came home late from work on Monday night, smelling like cigarettes and vagina — he’s a chain-smoking gynecologist, you see. But the wife, she’s bi-polar, and she think he’s been cheating.

The angry wife piled her husband’s plants in the back of their pickup and began tossing them out while driving down the road. I’d like to note that it takes a lot of coordination to ruin someone’s life while driving, but women are great multi-taskers.

“These were indoor-grown, very good marijuana plants,” Carroll said. At least he could appreciate the care and skill needed to grow the plants before they were doused in diesel fuel and set on fire. He probably saved a handful of buds for later, the dick.

We will now have a moment of silence for the plants *sad trumpet music*

Bonus: As the huge pile of marijuana burned and the smoke plumes reached the upper layers of Earth’s stratosphere, you could hear God giggling and eating munchies.

Sources: 1