Jessica Simpson’s missing (dead) dog
posted on September 16th, 2009 by Dustin at 4:16 pm (EST) with 17 Comments
Jessica Simpson is having a rough year. First, she got fat. And then, Tony Romo broke up with her the night before her 29th birthday (probably because she got fat). Her most recent tragedy, however, is saddest of all: her dog was stolen on Monday… by a coyote.
With the help of the website FindToto.com, Jessica has launched a nationwide search for Daisy, the half-Maltese, half-Poodle dog — know by neighbors as “that yappy little shit.”
The great Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live once said, “If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because man, they’re gone.” The same applies if your dog is last seen being carried away in a coyote’s jaws.
You can send an e-mail to Jessica if you have any tips about the missing dog. Here’s a tip: Your dog was eaten and turned into coyote feces. Move on with your life.
Daisy was a cute dog and this is truly a sad story, but c’mon. Malti-Poo vs. Coyote? Life isn’t a fuckin’ Disney movie — THE DOG IS DEAD.
Bonus: At least we know for sure that Daisy didn’t run away because Jessica got fat.
17 Comments - Leave One!
Tags: Celebrity, Coyote, Death, Dog, Jessica Simpson, Tragedy —
Comments
Comment from footlong
Time September 16, 2009 at 6:16 pm
carmel colored multi-poo? she misses her dump?
Comment from Ashley
Time September 16, 2009 at 9:40 pm
she really thinks she is going to find that dog?
why didnt she just run after the coyote? woulda been great exercise
Comment from george
Time September 16, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I would fuck her just more pushing for the cushing
Comment from george
Time September 16, 2009 at 9:49 pm
cusjion for the pushion
Comment from DUSTIN
Time September 16, 2009 at 9:51 pm
My names Dustin and i like men and i am a gay fish
Comment from UNKKLE
Time September 16, 2009 at 10:30 pm
I really thought Chicken of the Sea was actually chicken. That’s how I really think. …
NEED WE WONDER ABOUT THE DOG ????
Comment from S
Time September 16, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Perhaps in a few days the dog will appear randomly with the head of a coyote in it’s jaws. It’s got to have something monsterous pent up from having to live with the voice of that woman squeeling in its ears.
Comment from Lara
Time September 17, 2009 at 6:43 pm
lmfao.
you deserve your own show dustin
Comment from Shannon
Time September 17, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Agreed.
Comment from Ron and Fez 11-3
Time September 18, 2009 at 12:39 am
I gotta admit I think findingmissdaisy@gmail is a really awesome email.
Comment from min kim
Time September 18, 2009 at 3:06 am
Listen up assholes. Whether it is dead or not, there is nothing wrong with her being hopeful. Oh but of course you losers wouldn’t know anything about hope since your mothers gave up on you a long time ago.
Comment from Dustin
Time September 18, 2009 at 10:00 am
Hahaha, yet another person that should not be reading Sidecarsally. Go back to Pleasantville, bitch!
And I gave up on my mom, not the other way around 
Comment from blackhand341
Time September 23, 2009 at 5:11 pm
what the hells a maltipoo, that dog is not caramel colored and awesome email address…
Comment from blackhand341
Time September 23, 2009 at 5:12 pm
wait a second… the dog signed that poster… something fishys going on here…
Comment from Maxscene
Time September 16, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Hahaha she’s an idiot if she thinks its alive. Knowing her she probably thinks the coyote is playing go fish with the dog.
Haha she did get fat.. And I would’ve dumped her fatass too!