Jessica Simpson is having a rough year. First, she got fat. And then, Tony Romo broke up with her the night before her 29th birthday (probably because she got fat). Her most recent tragedy, however, is saddest of all: her dog was stolen on Monday… by a coyote.
With the help of the website FindToto.com, Jessica has launched a nationwide search for Daisy, the half-Maltese, half-Poodle dog — know by neighbors as “that yappy little shit.”
The great Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live once said, “If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because man, they’re gone.” The same applies if your dog is last seen being carried away in a coyote’s jaws.
You can send an e-mail to Jessica if you have any tips about the missing dog. Here’s a tip: Your dog was eaten and turned into coyote feces. Move on with your life.
Daisy was a cute dog and this is truly a sad story, but c’mon. Malti-Poo vs. Coyote? Life isn’t a fuckin’ Disney movie — THE DOG IS DEAD.
Bonus: At least we know for sure that Daisy didn’t run away because Jessica got fat.
| Comments (17) |
Posted by Dustin @ 4:16 pm |
Hahaha she’s an idiot if she thinks its alive. Knowing her she probably thinks the coyote is playing go fish with the dog.
Haha she did get fat.. And I would’ve dumped her fatass too!
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Comment by Maxscene — September 16, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
carmel colored multi-poo? she misses her dump?
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Comment by footlong — September 16, 2009 @ 6:16 pm
she really thinks she is going to find that dog?
why didnt she just run after the coyote? woulda been great exercise
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Comment by Ashley — September 16, 2009 @ 9:40 pm
I would fuck her just more pushing for the cushing
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Comment by george — September 16, 2009 @ 9:48 pm
cusjion for the pushion
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Comment by george — September 16, 2009 @ 9:49 pm
My names Dustin and i like men and i am a gay fish
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Comment by DUSTIN — September 16, 2009 @ 9:51 pm
I really thought Chicken of the Sea was actually chicken. That’s how I really think. …
NEED WE WONDER ABOUT THE DOG ????
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Comment by UNKKLE — September 16, 2009 @ 10:30 pm
Perhaps in a few days the dog will appear randomly with the head of a coyote in it’s jaws. It’s got to have something monsterous pent up from having to live with the voice of that woman squeeling in its ears.
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Comment by S — September 16, 2009 @ 11:55 pm
lmfao.
you deserve your own show dustin
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Comment by Lara — September 17, 2009 @ 6:43 pm
Agreed.
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Comment by Shannon — September 17, 2009 @ 7:14 pm
I gotta admit I think findingmissdaisy@gmail is a really awesome email.
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Comment by Ron and Fez 11-3 — September 18, 2009 @ 12:39 am
I think it’s pretty clever too!
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Comment by Dustin — September 18, 2009 @ 12:41 am
Listen up assholes. Whether it is dead or not, there is nothing wrong with her being hopeful. Oh but of course you losers wouldn’t know anything about hope since your mothers gave up on you a long time ago.
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Comment by min kim — September 18, 2009 @ 3:06 am
Hahaha, yet another person that should not be reading Sidecarsally. Go back to Pleasantville, bitch!
And I gave up on my mom, not the other way around
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Comment by Dustin — September 18, 2009 @ 10:00 am
findingmissdaisy@gmail.com?
Wow.
Win.
>.>
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Comment by Lucy — September 23, 2009 @ 3:53 pm
what the hells a maltipoo, that dog is not caramel colored and awesome email address…
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Comment by blackhand341 — September 23, 2009 @ 5:11 pm
wait a second… the dog signed that poster… something fishys going on here…
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Comment by blackhand341 — September 23, 2009 @ 5:12 pm