SPOKANE, WA — In 1987, Phillip Arnold Paul murdered an old woman because evil witch voices in his head told him to do so. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and acquitted from the murder charge, but since he was unsafe to mingle with the public, Paul was sentenced to live at Eastern State Hospital (for the criminally insane).

He’s actually a pretty nice guy until those witch voices start up again.

Police are now on the lookout for the 57-year-old nutter after he escaped today during a supervised hospital field trip to a local fair. Schizophrenic pyschos at the local fair? Genius.

“So, dangerously insane institutionalized criminals get to go on field trips?”

Apparently so, and the bigwigs at Eastern State Hospital didn’t realize what a shit-poor idea that was until today. Maybe the escapee will murder again and teach everyone a lesson in responsibility. Decapitate somebody, Phillip — the voices want you to!

“So let me get this straight: You can murder someone because you ‘hear voices,’ get institutionalized, and even though you’re insane, still get to go on public field trips?”

Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Stop interrupting me, voice in my head.

“Go pee on a baby, Dustin. Kill a midget and eat his tiny little man-brain. Turn into a coyote and eat Jessica Simpson’s dog right in front of her. Then pee on her too. Babydicks.”

Listen guys, I gotta go take care of this voice. Don’t pick up any hitchhikers this weekend.