September 30, 2009

“I not weally dead!”

Remember that scene in The Little Mermaid when Ariel got pregnant and delivered her baby 16 weeks prematurely? Everyone thought her baby was dead because it was so tiny and unresponsive, so they held a funeral for it and Sebastian the Crab played the flute.

Maybe I had the Director’s Cut. Either way, this next story is quite similar.

PARAGUAY — On August 7th, a baby was born 16 weeks prematurely. Weighing only 500g (just over 1 pound), its heartbeat and respiratory response were so weak that doctors pronounced it dead and gave it back to the parents in a cardboard box.

A few hours later, the grieving parents went home and opened the box, but their newborn son wasn’t dead at all — he was awake and crying like the average baby, just smaller.

“I opened the box and took the baby out and he cried. I got scared and I said ‘the baby’s crying’ … and then he started moving his arms, his legs and I got scared, we got very scared,” said one member of the family. [1]

Scared? Apparently they thought it was an undead zombie baby, rather than a miracle.

The baby is now back in the intensive care unit in stable condition.

To determine if there was negligence on the part of the medical staff, the hospital has begun an investigation. “OK guys, which one of you said the baby was dead? You’re fired.”

True Fact: Preemies really do taste better than normal newborns. You can pull their arms right out of the socket and the tender meat slides right off the bone.

Sources: 1

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Comments (7)



7 Comments »

  1. damn dustin. you are a sick puppy. funny as fuck tho

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    Comment by patrick — September 30, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

  2. My favorite is aborted fetus sushi :D

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    Comment by Josh — September 30, 2009 @ 4:23 pm

  3. lol zommbieee

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    Comment by camila — September 30, 2009 @ 4:32 pm

  4. ughh dustin your fucked up.. nice story though.. i was a premee…

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    Comment by blackhand341 — September 30, 2009 @ 5:36 pm

  5. 1 more mouth to feed. Better of dead

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    Comment by bill — September 30, 2009 @ 7:00 pm

  6. Did you know this shit?: Historically, mermaids have been symbols of suppliers of oral sex because they lack genitalia!

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    Comment by Killerwit — October 1, 2009 @ 12:17 pm

  7. That picture is so fucking priceless.

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    Comment by Lucy — October 4, 2009 @ 10:11 am

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