FLORIDA — While most people were hanging out with friends last Saturday night, 41-year-old Venus Lewis had other plans — she was horny for some teenage sausage.

Venus headed over to the local recreation center in Marion County where she found two teenage boys playing football. In a horny rage, she chased the boys around, saying she would catch them and then have sex with them.

This type of lascivious behavior is all-too-common for Floridian crack whores. The boys knew that Venus seriously wanted to rape them, but she was just a harmless crackhead, so they watched from a distance as the frustrated woman decided to masturbate instead.

And then things got weird.

According to the police report, Venus walked between two picnic tables, dropped her pants, and then inserted a tampon into her vagina. Afterward, she laid on one of the tables and masturbated in front of the boys — who claimed that they didn’t watch.

Police believed that Venus was intoxicated during the incident. She was charged with three counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition. She was also charged with battery for allegedly grabbing the genitals of one of the boys.

Oh, those poor children… right?

Here’s the thing: If you’re a 15-year-old boy and a middle-aged crack whore is playing with herself and inserting tampons in front of you, you’re not gonna turn away. You’ll sit there and watch the entire show and tell everyone you know how awesome it was.

I was in Santa Monica last October, and a homeless woman took a piss 20 feet from me while I was smoking a blunt on the boardwalk. I watched her urinate from start to finish, and even cheered her on. That was my fondest memory of California.

What shocks me most about this is that I had no idea crack whores even use tampons.