*The following article contains cartoon nudity and sex.*

After the extreme disappointment of Heidi Montag’s non-nude Playboy debut in September’s issue, I suspected that Hugh Hefner was losing his grip on reality.

What could be worse than Playboy providing us with content that we can only almost masturbate to? I got it! How about naked cartoons instead of real women?

Entertainment Weekly has reported that October’s issue of Playboy Magazine will feature beloved animated icon Marge Simpson nude in a 3-page spread.

“New Playboy CEO Scott Flanders (coincidence?) says he’s trying to appeal to readers younger than the mag’s 35-year-old average.” [1]

However, Playboy tried to appeal to the younger readers last month by having Heidi Montag as the main feature — but she wasn’t naked. So, rather than apologizing for last month’s tragedy, Scott Flanders decided a cartoon edition would be a better idea.

FUCK YOU, PLAYBOY MAGAZINE.

Unless you’re trying to attract 8-year-old readers, the “younger” generation doesn’t give a shit what an imaginary, animated woman looks like naked (Sailor Moon excluded).

This is 2009 and people are sick of your airbrushed cunts. Half the people who read Playboy probably don’t even know what a real vagina looks like!

Why would anyone spend money on a magazine with half-nude women in it when the Internet provides us with videos like 2 Girls 1 Cup for free?

You wanna know what Marge Simpson looks like naked? I’ll save you some money:

You won’t find this kind of action in Playboy, no sir.

Are you horny yet? How about a little incest?

Not feeling the son-on-mother action? Maybe some bestiality will whet your whistle.

There. Unless you can find me a cartoon of Marge eating Homer’s feces, I believe I’ve covered all the bases that Playboy won’t: Infidelity, incest, and dog fucking.

If you still feel the need to pay six dollars to see Marge nude in October’s Playboy, I can only say this: YOU ARE SAD AND NEED A REAL LIFE.

Sources: 1

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