In May, Karen Sala of Barrie, Ontario tried to extort millions of dollars from actor Keanu Reeves by claiming that he was the father of her four adult children (ages 20-25). She filed a lawsuit that forced Reeves to take a DNA test and demanded $150,000 per month for child support, including retroactive payments going back 20 years.

The Toronto Sun reported today that the DNA test results are in and Keanu Reeves is NOT the father of Karen Sala’s children!

“I fucked Keanu Reeves!” — Karen Sala …. “I don’t even know you.” — Keanu Reeves

Reeves denied the allegations from the beginning, stating very clearly that he had never even met this crazy woman. When asked if Reeves felt relief after the test results, his attorney said today that Reeves wasn’t relieved because he knew all along.

Too bad he was so confident because one of the best feelings in the world is thinking that you actually might have a kid, and then finding out it’s not yours. It happened to me before, and all the bowel movements in the world couldn’t match the relief I felt.

What evidence did Karen Sala ever have of her special time with Reeves?

Sala claimed to have a personal photo of Keanu Reeves from his teenage years — which she failed to produce — and a sample of his handwriting (probably an autograph).

“I wouldn’t even touch that bitch with Laurence Fishburne’s dick.” — Keanu Reeves

I wonder if Karen Sala’s children were brainwashed into thinking Keeanu Reeves was actually their real father. I imagine them being obsessed with him — knowing every line to every movie he’s starred in. Bet they even wear Matrix costumes on Halloween.

This is bullshit though. I demand justice for Karen Sala wasting our time.

Ladies: Somehow, the laws work in your favor: You can accuse any random man of fathering your children or raping you — but where’s the punishment for YOU after the investigation proves that you’re just a manipulative, lying, insane cunt.

Still though, you have boobs and we’re suckers for ‘em!

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