PHILADELPHIA, PA — This weekend, most people in Philly were getting drunk and talking about the crack in the Liberty Bell, but not 36-year-old George Rogers — He was getting drunk and contemplating a violent, bloody samurai suicide.

Rogers called 911 around 12:30AM on Sunday and told police that he’d just doused the apartment he shares with his mother in gasoline. He also threatened to shoot himself with a crossbow after torching the apartment.

When police arrived, they didn’t find gasoline doused anywhere, but they did find Rogers barricaded in a back room of the residence, armed to the teeth with an assortment of knives, swords, and a crossbow.

Mr. Rogers’ arsenal. He’s a samurai, not a ninja (hence the lack of throwing stars).

One officer forced his way into the barricaded room, hiding behind a special riot shield, and was instantly attacked by the samurai — err, Rogers. He wielded the sword so forcefully that its blade was bent in the assault.

Another officer used a stun gun on Rogers, and said that he “fell like a sack of potatoes,” which is kind of weird to imagine, but I’ll accept it.

Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood said Rogers was covered in tattoos, including Nazi Swastikas and the words “Only God can judge.” I think I’ve heard of Nazi Ninjas before, but a Nazi Samurai? That’s pretty original — kudos, to him for that.

George Rogers love samurais, hates Jews.

Rogers is in prison right now, awaiting charges of attempted murder, aggravated assault, and numerous weapon offenses. If he’s smart, he’ll plead insanity and tell the judge about his night-time escapades as the Nazi Samurai Avenger.

Move to Florida, George. People won’t think you’re as weird.

Sources: 1

Leave your feedback in the comment section below.