Have you ever approached the only toilet in a washroom, only to find it filled to brim with bloody diarrhea and toilet paper with curly ass pubes stuck to it?

Nobody hates discovering a floater more than 53-year-old Nazeih Hammouri from Vermont. He’s facing a first-degree assault charge for stabbing his 19-year-old son Jeffrey in the stomach with a corkscrew after he wouldn’t ‘fess up about why their toilet was clogged.

“I told him I wasn’t gonna shit on top of someone else’s shit.”

Jeffrey’s condition is unknown at this time, but one corkscrew to the stomach ain’t enough to kill someone. Corkscrews are much more effective on human eyeballs.

With a corkscrew, you can twist all the way through an eyeball and get the optic nerve curled around the tip — that shit hurts like a Sunday morning spanking from Father Jones.

Most people don’t know that I have a bionic eye. I can see everyone naked.

Sources: 1

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