Virginia surprisingly disapproves of dog fondling
posted on October 27th, 2009 by Dustin at 11:52 pm (EST) with 14 Comments
VIRGINIA — “You can never completely trust a male dog until you have masturbated him.”
Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been charged with animal cruelty after two incidents involving masturbating their K-9 unit (and videotaping it).
But they were only doing it because, APPARENTLY, your dog listens to you more if you jerk him off occasionally. Doesn’t it kind of make sense?
One of these dogs get’s masturbated by his owner. The other gets beaten.
They’re now known as The Dog Fondling 5 (or DF5). They are Kelvin Thompson, 25, Melvin Boone, 40, Adam R. Webb, 27, Cheri Campbell, 35, and Anthony Eldridge, 33.
Between June 16th and August 1st, a German shepherd was molested by the DF5 at least twice on film. One of them would touch the dog while the other four watched.
(Is it getting hot in here?)
According to Attorney Robert B. Beasley Jr., a corrections employee saw the video and was like “WTF” and reported it to a superior.
When asked if he knew why the officers videotaped the incidents, Beasley replied, “I don’t have the slightest idea — I really don’t.”
Terry Grimes, an attorney for one of the defendants also thinks it’s normal to touch dog penises. “I would characterize it as hazing,” he said. “If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.”
The DF5 will be on trial this Fall, but don’t expect an update unless they repeat offend. If you can find the video anywhere, e-mail me the link and I’ll put it up!
“Red rocket! Red rocket!”
Helpful tip: Dogs also appreciate a finger in their ass occasionally.
Sources: 1
Quality Comments: “When they knock a female pig up, they press on her back to give her the feeling of being fucked, and pigs have clits inside their vagina, so they enjoy it.” — TBK
“…And so my friend Sara comes over and next thing you know the dog starts squirting doggy juice and it hits her right in the face a few times.” — Ashley
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14 Comments - Leave One!
Tags: Animal Abuse, Animals, Dog Milking, Red Rocket, South Park —
Comments
Comment from Dustin
Time October 28, 2009 at 12:18 am
It makes total sense to me that a dog would be more loyal and loving after getting some HJ’s.
Comment from Matt
Time October 28, 2009 at 5:20 am
Pffft, what have dogs ever done for me?
Comment from The Beautiful Kind
Time October 28, 2009 at 7:09 am
Oh who cares! On factory farms they rape turkeys, cows, and pigs via artificial insemination all the time, and simulate sex with pigs – when they knock a female pig up, they press on her back to give her the feeling of being fucked, and pigs have clits inside their vagina, so they enjoy it.
They also jerk bulls and stallions off for their sperm, which they sell for thousands of dollars. Our society is more bizarre than you think.
Comment from scarpo
Time October 28, 2009 at 7:45 am
a dog’s genitalia can also be referred to as a tube of lipstick.
Comment from Ashley
Time October 28, 2009 at 9:02 am
So true The Beautiful Kind. So true.
Want to hear the most nastiest story?
When I was in the 5th Grade, Me and my two friends were at one of their houses. She has a dog and the dog was liking itself. I said “EW HE IS HAPPY!” and so my friend Sara comes over and next thing you know the dog starts squirting doggy juice and it hits her right in the face a few times.
Funniest day of my life.
Comment from amanda
Time October 28, 2009 at 3:40 pm
i have no desire to see this video.
Comment from Dre
Time October 28, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Maybe this isn’t such a horrible thing, those dogs always seem so pissed off when your being chased by them so this might mellow the things out a bit lol
Comment from Ron and Fez 11-3
Time October 28, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I dont understand how this could possibly be cruel!…
Comment from Ashley
Time October 28, 2009 at 8:31 pm
its not cruel. its just disgustin.
i no a guy that rubs his foot (with a shoe on) on his female dog. he says it makes her happy.
so its more common then you think!
Comment from Shannon
Time October 29, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Dogs get horny, too, and I\’m sure it would hurt them if they used a paw to jack themselves off.
Comment from footlong
Time October 29, 2009 at 8:38 pm
The only LEGAL way to jerk-off a dog is if you make a hand puppet that looks like a dogs vagina and use that. LOOK IT UP WEIRDOS!
Comment from Lucy
Time November 7, 2009 at 8:49 am
LMFAO FOOTLONG.
This is so weird yet awesome.
Comment from bill
Time October 28, 2009 at 12:13 am
my brother has given my dog a handjob before. for laughs, but the dog seemed happy and has always been a sweet, loving dog.