I’ve had intimate relationships with deer, so I know a lot about them — they are aggressive as fuck. A large male deer — or “buck” — can impale you with his antlers and kick your head in. If a buck attacks you in the wild, defend yourself with a large knife, not a gun (guns are violent). If you actually kill a deer with a knife, you are a fucking legend.

WISCONSIN — Deer have reached a new low. Mark Brye, a plumber from rural Wisconsin, woke up last week to the aftermath of a bizarre animal showdown in his backyard. His 640-pound stone elk lawn ornament was knocked over, and a dead deer lay 20 feet away.

The buck attacked the stone lawn ornament after mistaking it for a real animal. Boiling with frustration, the buck headbutted the stone elk hard enough to knock it over. It staggered 20 feet and collapsed from a self-inflicted crushed skull.

After Mark Byre reported the incident, the local conservation warden granted him permission to butcher the 180-pound deer for its tasty meat.

Deer are extra pissed off during the Fall because this is when the “Rut” begins. Most people call it the “Rut,” but it basically means “Fucking Season.” It’s the time of year when bucks get horny and look for fights — hmmm… sound like familiar behavior?

Deer are also capable of committing “douchebaggery.” (Notice the antler-like hair)

Byre’s elk statue remains on its side, too heavy to lift. “I can’t tip it back up until I get a whole bunch of guys to help me,” he says.

Sources: 1

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