Let’s face it: Babies are annoying little hideous blobs of flesh and fat. If it weren’t for gags and cages, babies would spend entire days crying for food and shitting everywhere.

Short of praying for SIDS, there isn’t much we can do to prevent infants from producing noise and human waste — so where do we go from here? How can we improve babies?

A popular black site has reported that baby wigs may be the next big trend for parents who can’t stand to look at a baby’s thin wispy hair — but this may be a cultural thing.

Based on information I gathered from the two black women that I’ve had sex with in my life, black women (in particular) are very concerned about their hair and spend a fortune to alter the natural texture and color of it. For instance, Tyra Banks was not naturally born with a massive Celine Dion lion mane with blonde highlights.

I prefer bald mannequin Tyra because she doesn’t say “No” to me.

Black or not, babies are usually born with stupid haircuts, so parents, you have two choices: Put a stupid-looking hat on its head, or put a sweet wig on that shit.

But aren’t babies supposed to look hopeless and hairless? Are wigs really necessary?

Look at it this way: Babies are like any other material object. People only have babies so other people can go, “Aww look how cute that baby is” — it has nothing to do with love. Putting a wig on your baby is like putting new rims on your car.

I think baby wigs are a step in the right direction. They may pose a fire hazard (if your baby is a smoker), and they drive child molesters wild with lust, but these are minor setbacks if beauty is important to you. Remember, fashion before function!

Just wait until baby breast and penile implants go mainstream!

“After the green hair dye, my human baby-sized Troll doll will be complete!”

I don’t particularly see baby wigs gaining popularity amongst white folks, but it’s only a matter of time before we invent something far more retarded for our kids. As you read this, a pregnant 15-year-old emo girl is probably designing faux baby lip rings.

Sources: 1

Bonus: Purchase baby wigs from BabyToupee.com! (Thanks to TBK for the link)

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