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A chip off the ol’ block


TENNESSEE — On Tuesday, 21-year-old April Wright awoke at 1:45am. She immediately noticed that her 4-year-old son Hayden was missing. He had broken a child-safety lock on the door and went outside to have a beer and steal presents from neighbors.

Before sneaking out of the house, the 4-year-old grabbed a can of beer from the fridge. Then, he broke into a neighbors house and stole five gifts from under the Christmas tree.


Hayden Wright, Chattanooga demon child.

After his crime spree, Hayden returned home and was found outside by his mother. He was drunk and wearing a little girl’s dress (one of the five gifts he stole).

According to April Wright, Hayden knew exactly what he was doing: “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.” (actual quote)

Hayden was taken to the hospital and treated for alcohol consumption. After the incident, child protective services requested to meet with April, but didn’t find her at fault for anything other than failing at life in general — she’s a good mom otherwise.


April explains to a reporter the mystery of how Hayden’s father agreed to fuck her.

Wright herself serves as a PSA about the consequences of teenage pregnancy. If anyone you know is a pregnant teenager, please, pressure her into getting an abortion. And mention it sooner than later because coat hangers don’t work as well as you’d think.

Well, unless you sharpen the tip of the hanger first.

Sources: 1

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Comments

Comment from bongfondler
Time December 18, 2009 at 6:49 pm

if i was a child to that moocow, i’d be an alcoholic cross dressing thief as well.

Comment from Gauge6651
Time December 18, 2009 at 11:10 pm

OMG, this totally made my night. Funniest shit i’ve heard in awhile. Its funny cause its just sad.

Comment from patrick
Time December 19, 2009 at 1:53 am

he doesnt want to see his dad. he wants to go to jail to get away from his dog-ass ugly mom.

Comment from tomduk
Time December 19, 2009 at 12:14 pm

man i hope my kids turn out like that

Comment from Stuart
Time December 19, 2009 at 2:09 pm

honestly, i’m just surprised the kid is white

Comment from Lucy
Time December 22, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Oh my God.
FTW!
:D

Comment from Maddcowe
Time December 29, 2009 at 10:24 pm

Just sterilize this retard! Cut off her sizable gonads.

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