BRITISH COLUMBIA — Davey Metzler, 7, would be a pile of bones right now if it weren’t for his courageous mother who rescued him from the jaws of a cougar. The incident occurred only two days before 11-year-old Austin Forman and his dog were similarly attacked.
“D-d-duh cougah twied to b-b-bite m-me, but my doggie saveded m-muh-me.”
Little Davey wasn’t as fortunate as Austin. He was tobogganing with his sister when the cougar pounced on his head. If there’s one thing a cougar hates, it’s a child having fun.
Davey’s mother witnessed the attack and ran to his aid. She grabbed a kitchen rag and snapped it in the cougar’s face until it ran away. Then she rushed her son to the hospital where he recovered with 22 stitches in his head.
Conservation officers killed two cougars nearby the next day. You know what that means:
Seriously though, a kitchen rag? Once again, I think we’re talking about a female cougar.
If you struck a male cougar in the face with anything less than an aluminum bat, he would kick you to the ground, stand over you in a 69 position, and take a giant shit in your screaming mouth while chewing off your genitals. If cougars had insanely fast digestive tracks, he would shit your actual genitals right back into your mouth.
These attacks seem common in BC. If there is even the slightest possibility that I’d be lucky enough to witness a brutal cougar attack on a child, I am moving there immediately. I’d borrow children from the neighborhood and tie them to stakes in my backyard.
You know, like that scene with the goat in Jurassic Park.
Sources: 1
Quality Comments: There ain’t none yet!
Leave your comments in the comments section below.
| Comments (7) |
Posted by Dustin @ 10:11 pm |
Hey crazyman,
that baby cat is a Cheeta….
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by Sandra — January 6, 2010 @ 8:00 pm
hahaha
i love you dustin, you never cease to make me lmao lol
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by Camila — January 6, 2010 @ 11:20 pm
I once saw a movie in which a cougar took out some little girl’s unicorn.
That’s about as brutal as you can get.
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by Shanan — January 7, 2010 @ 9:52 pm
What’s up with these cowardly cougars? a kitchen rag? a DOG?
thank god i’m not a cougar because i would kill them both from the shame they have placed on our cougar-family.
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by Gaby — January 9, 2010 @ 10:46 am
Hahahaha!
Revenge! D:<
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by Lucy — January 9, 2010 @ 4:23 pm
Cougar attacks: So funny they’ll leave you in stitches.
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by Killerwit — January 11, 2010 @ 2:31 am
you know whats funny, i’ve read a lot of stories on people getting fucked up by cougars, and i know the secret for protection… water hose. my mom almost got attacked by a starved mountain lion one day when she was out watering plants, and all she did was fucking spray it with water and that gave her enough time to run inside, and call ME instead of animal control.
so by her telling me her courageous story instead of calling animal control, the big pussy never got caught and continued eating chickens and goats and some stupid senile hag’s cats.
and then the man who owned the chickens shot my dog because he thought that she was the one eating his fucking chickens.
fuck cougars.
LOVE/HATE IT:
0 
0
Comment by briddy — January 12, 2010 @ 2:46 am