All day long, I’ve been sitting at my desk waiting for a celebrity to injure their genitals so I could post a blog about it. Well, my prayers have been answered.

SCOTLAND — Details magazine has reported that actor Channing Tatum suffered severe burns to his penis while filming a new movie. A film crew member was trying to keep the actor warm by pouring warm boiling hot water into his wetsuit.

This was all that remained of Cheryl’s husband after the fire.

Although his penis has healed, Tatum told Details that the burn was the most painful thing he has ever experienced in his life — even more painful than watching himself acting.

Ever since the movie Fighting, I don’t really like Channing Tatum. He’s always got a confused look on his face that seems to be asking, “Isn’t there an Ed Hardy store around here?” Plus, his fuckin’ name is Channing — do I need a better reason to hate someone?

As for the genius that didn’t realize hot water + penis = NO, his day is coming soon.

Sources: 1