On Sunday evening in East Athens, Georgia, a rapist attacked a 17-year-old girl and dragged her into some nearby woods. He tore her shirt and pulled her pants down, and watched in horror as a penis flopped out between her legs — it wasn’t a girl at all!

This had never happened to the rapist before. He had no idea that teen males all over America are increasingly tucking their meat and putting on makeup. He was furious! The victim screamed and tried to fight back as the rapist kicked him repeatedly.

The attacker fled when the victim’s cell phone began ringing, but he is still on the loose. If caught, he faces charges of attempted rape and false imprisonment. When help arrived, the victim was found sitting on the ground, crying in the rain.

The rapist was described as a fat Hispanic in a gray hoodie. Investigators should be asking Carlos Mencia where he was on Sunday — this seems like something he’d do.

I’m terrified that this is going to happen to me one day — not that I’m going to be raping a girl and find out she has a penis, but that it would happen consensually. It would be even worse is if her penis was bigger than mine. I’d remember that for a long time.

Unexpected penile discoveries are quite common in the world of prostitution. Follow your gut feeling when selecting a whore, and when in doubt, ask to see vaginal identification.

The rapist in this story reacted in an extremely intolerable and homophobic manner to his victim’s anatomical addition. I hope any rapists reading this article can learn to accept that not every woman they rape is going to have a vagina. You can’t be a winner all the time.

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