Pretend for a second that you’re a Portland police officer rushing to the aid of a man who is completely engulfed in flames. It’s up to you to save his life!

You grab something from your trunk that resembles a fire extinguisher and douse the man with its contents, but the fire continues to burn and the man dies. Later, it’s revealed that the fire extinguisher you used was actually an industrial size canister of pepper spray.

That was quite careless of you. Are you: A) Retarded, B) Blind, or C) A woman?

OREGON — 26-year-old Daniel Shaull set himself on fire Wednesday in the streets of downtown Portland. When a police officer saw the burning man from her car, she ran out and sprayed him down with a fire extinguisher big fucking canister of pepper spray.

The officer didn’t know she had used pepper spray until another officer found the empty can later at the scene. Meanwhile, Daniel died of his burns in the hospital.

Daniel’s father told interviewers that his son had a history of mental illness. “I had a feeling something was going to tragically happen,” he told reporters. “He was tired of living.”

Portland Police Bureau Chief Rosie Sizer refused to name the officer involved, but said the she will not face any disciplinary action for her mistake. The chief also added, “In many, many ways, her acts were heroic.”

I had a suspicion that Chief Rosie was exaggerating, so I broke down the officer’s actions and created a pie chart to see how many ways her acts were heroic.

Imagine if you were the burning man, Daniel Shaull — the last couple minutes of your life really sucked dick. You’re engulfed in flames and thinking, “This is it… this is the end.” And then here comes a woman who not only pepper sprays you, but empties an entire tank of pepper spray on your burning flesh. The most painful death ever was made even worse.

Female police officers should stick to what they do best — nothing.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: There ain’t none yet!

Leave your comments in the comments section below.