KENTUCKY — When an armed man broke into Stephen Bosch’s home this week and stole $180 from him, he reported the crime to the police. When the cops arrived at his place to investigate, they asked Stephen why his home smelled like marijuana. He admitted that the thief also stole 10.5 grams of weed from him, so the cops decided to look around more.

A quick search of Bosch’s home uncovered a digital scale and five ounces of weed hidden in his trashcan. He was arrested and charged with marijuana trafficking, tampering with evidence, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Win.

I know that most of my readers are heavy drug users, so all of you can learn from this.

This may seem like a crazy piece of advice, but if you are a drug dealer and someone robs you, do not call the police and report it — they will want to enter your home and “talk.”

When a cop enters your home for whatever reason, they are looking for one thing: drugs.

Drug dealers need to accept the fact that they will be victims of crime themselves occasionally. There are three things a drug dealer can do to minimize the chances of this:

1) Get a guard dog. Nothing welcomes an intruder like an abused Rottweiler that hasn’t been fed a pair of human testicles this week. Hang a sign on your front door that says, “I love my Chihuahua” for an added surprise. Be warned, the dog may eat your stash.

2) Re-locate. This seems like the most logical solution, but it’s also a lot of hassle. On the plus side, you might be lucky enough to find an apartment next to the local high school. That wasn’t supposed to be a statutory rape joke — high school kids just love weed.

3) Don’t be such a pussy. A 12-year-old Macaulay Culkin fought off two adult burglars in Home Alone — and that movie was based on a true story. He called the police by the end of the movie, but he wasn’t a fuckin’ drug dealer, so it made sense.

Furthermore, if you have large amounts of drugs or money sitting around in your home, you should also have a naked woman with a gun in plain view at all times.

Sources: 1

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