I watched a film called Bad Biology last night, and now I must share the story of its awesomeness with you. Earth would be a better place if everyone bought this movie and learned from it. It’s about a boy with a giant mutant penis and a girl with seven clits.

THE PLOT

Driven by biological excess, a young man and woman search for sexual fulfillment, unaware of each other’s existence. Unfortunately, they eventually meet, and the bonding of these two very unusual human beings ends in an explosive and ultimately over-the-top sexual experience, resulting in a highly entertaining love story. [1]

THE GOOD STUFF (SPOILERS)

Jennifer is a violent nymphomaniac who makes a living as a photographer. Throughout the day, Jennifer gets so uncontrollably horny that she is forced to masturbate — that’s because she has seven clitorii in her vagina and can enjoy seven times the pleasure.

At night, Jennifer goes on the prowl for men at bars and nightclubs. She’s a decent-looking blonde, so it’s easy for her to find a guy to fuck. Occasionally, she will murder them after.

Here’s where it gets weird. After unprotected sex, Jennifer almost instantly starts having labor pains. Within hours, she gives birth to a fully-developed hideous mutant baby. She promptly discards the screaming bloody miscarriages in the nearest garbage.

Jennifer giving birth hours after sex. This happens more than once in the movie.

Jennifer’s “condition” has made finding love difficult for her. Some guys don’t seem to mind her mutant gash, but the constant abortions are a real deal breaker for most. She becomes infatuated with another man when she discovers that he also has a dark secret…

Batz has a walloping mutant zombie penis from the 5th dimension. When he was born, the doctors removed his penis instead of his umbilical cord by mistake and it never really worked right again — until he began injecting growth hormones directly into it.

The injections caused a massive growth spurt in Batz’s member and it gained its own consciousness, allowing it to communicate with him through telepathy.

Each day is a daily struggle for Batz — Man Vs. Meatsword — and his constant need to ejaculate pushes his sanity to its limit. He is obviously not the right combination for Jennifer, but all she can think about is being ravaged by his prehistoric shaft.

Fed up with Batz’s attitude, his manhood decides to detach itself from him and go on a midnight rape spree. Later, Jennifer discovers the detached dong suffering from steroid-withdrawal and juices it back up so she can ride it into orgasm heaven.

Jennifer finally experiences true pleasure for once, but at what cost?

THE “OMFG YES” MOMENT (SUPER SPOILER)

After the final climax, the shriveled, lifeless mutant penis is expelled from Jennifer’s body, and then her labor pains begin. She dies abruptly and everything is silent for a few seconds — until a deformed human-penis baby emerges from her womb and runs away.

The End.

THE CONCLUSION

Vaginas with seven clits, detachable mutant cocks, and human-penis babies — these things are essential to film like beer and porn is essential to humans (men) for a tolerable life. Every movie I watch from now on is gonna suck unless it contains one of those three things — or boobs, obviously. I donated $5 and a copy of this DVD to the Red Cross.

Sources: 1

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