Guy #1: “Dude, did you hear about that massive earthquake that happened in Chile this morning? It was way more powerful than the Haiti quake, bro!”

Guy #2: “Holy shit, that sucks. I hope everyone’s alright there.”

Guy #1: “You dumbass, fuck those people — the news is reporting a massive tsunami heading to the coast of pretty much every country in the fucking world, bro. More people are gonna die!”

Guy #2: “Fuuuuck, dude. What should we do!?”

Guy #1: “Let’s turn on CBS and watch the shit smash Hawaii into a million pieces.”

*** 3 HOURS LATER ***

Guy #1: “Ah, that was a great dump I just took. I didn’t hear you shout for me, so I assume I didn’t miss any tsunamis smashing into Hawaii. Any updates?”

Guy #2: “You were in there for 45 minutes — I thought you fell asleep on the shitter. Nah, the ocean level raised a few feet, but that’s it. And what’s worse, they’re calling THAT a tsunami.”

Guy #1: “I guess technically a 3-foot wave can be a tsunami if it really was caused by the earthquake, but that’s bullshit! I can’t believe I wasted three hours on that.”

Guy #2: “Are you upset that you didn’t get to see a bunch of people die? I thought you just wanted to helplessly witness the raw power of nature live on CBS.”

Guy #1: “I’m not a fag like you, man. I don’t get my jollies from stormy weather and butterflies and shit. I like death and people scrambling for their lives while being ripped away from their loved ones by a big fucking wave.”

Guy #2: “You should just hang out at Rosie O’Donnell’s pool in the summer then.”

Guy #1: “Oh snap, you’re bad.”

Guy #2: “Just shut up and fuck me already.”