posted on May 26th, 2010 by Dustin at 8:08 pm (EST) with 6 Comments
I’ve done it. So have you. Unless you have no arms, then you have slapped a person in their testicles before. The idea of unexpectedly backhanding someone’s scrotum has existed for thousands of years, but the invention of YouTube has made it more popular.
I am guilty for sack tapping a person as recently as yesterday. The problem is, I’m really good at it. If I were sitting next to you, I could have sack tapped you 8 times already and it’s only the second paragraph. With me, there’s no telling wh-*sack tap!*
Sack tapping has recently come under fire by the media after a kid from Minnesota was punched so hard in the dick that one of his nuts exploded. A bully at school ruptured 14-year-old David Gibbons’ right testicle, and it had to be amputated — now his family wants to spread the word that sack tapping is dangerous!
Sack tapping is not to blame for this incident. David Gibbons, aside from looking exactly like that kid from Last Action Hero (see right), was the victim of a cock punch, not a sack tap — they are way different.
Is sack tapping dangerous?
Yes, if performed incorrectly on the victim, a sack tap can lead them to the ER instead of the floor.
Testicles are precious, fragile globes of life, and it doesn’t take much to injure them. The CORRECT way to sack tap a person is to flick your hand out from the wrist and then jerk it back — like snapping a towel.
Hand-to-sack contact should be quick, but intense like a bee sting. Be sure to cover your own sack for safety because retaliation is common.
A proper sack tap should not end a friendship.
What is a cock punch?
A cock punch is exactly what it sounds like — fist-to-groin contact. A highly dangerous technique that should only be used in self-defense or on corpses (they can’t feel it), the cock punch resides in the same category as kicks, knees, and headbutts to the groin.
So is there REALLY a significant difference between cock punching and sack tapping?
Yes, goddammit! One is lighthearted and the other is malicious. Just like teabagging the first person who passes out at a party, a well-timed sack tap can generate a room full of laughter at a single person’s expense. What’s wrong with that?
But a cock punch will potentially burst a testicle or two, and ruin some poor bastard’s chance at having kids in the future. I can think of a few people that deserve such a fate, but most men do not, therefore, cock punching is generally wrong.
Parents, educate your children on the differences between sack tapping and cock punching, and make sure they practice their technique regularly to avoid injuries.
THE WORLD NEEDS MORE RESPONSIBLE SACK TAPPERS!