When it comes to movies, I only bother with two genres; horror and porn. Actually, three genres — I forgot about HorrorPorn. I’d rather have my cock stapled to the muzzle of a rabid wolf than watch The Notebook or Legally Blonde, unless there’s a boob scene and I can fast-forward directly to it. And it’s gotta be fully-exposed nipple.

The next movie to deserve a review from me is the Horror film The Human Centipede (First Sequence).

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) tells the story of a mad surgeon and his quest to create “Siamese triplets” by surgically connecting three humans from MOUTH TO ANUS.

Imagine three people on their hands and knees connected ass-to-mouth. From front to back, they will be referred to as A, B, and C.

Here’s how it all works: By connecting B’s mouth to A’s anus, A can shit into B’s mouth, slightly nourishing her with his feces. C is in the back with her mouth connected to B’s anus, so she is fed by the already-digested shit of both A and B.

Can a person survive on a shit diet?

Supposedly, by supplementing B’s diet and keeping C on an IV-drip, the human centipede could survive for years. Luckily, A can eat normal food because he leads the centipede, so his mouth isn’t sewn to anyone’s anus.

Director Tom Six worked on the film with a Dutch surgeon, who claims that the film is 100% medically accurate. I don’t know whether to be happy about that, or freaked out.

Boobs?

There is no shortage of breastacles in this movie. Both B and C of the human centipede are females with boobs, and the director took the liberty of keeping them topless for most of the film. Unfortunately, it’s hard to enjoy the eye candy considering the context it’s in.

The middle of the centipede (Ashley C. Williams) had a particularly nice rack, but after she got her mouth shat in, I found her a little less attractive.

Bottom Line

Just when you think you’ve seen everything, a film like The Human Centipede raises the bar for creativity (and depravity). There are definitely no other movies about a mad surgeon that goes around sewing lips to anuses and vice versa.

If bad acting bothers you, don’t worry because you won’t find any in this movie. When the front of the centipede shouted, “Shit, I have to shit! FORGIVE ME!” to the girl behind him, I really believed it was happening — especially when her eyes got really big.

The Human Centipede is one the best movies I’ve ever seen. I recommend it to everyone, even people that don’t have ass-to-mouth fetishes. Watch this movie TONIGHT.