OHIO — Last night, a 62-foot-tall Jesus statue was struck by lightning as a storm rolled over Cincinnati. The bolt struck one of the statue’s hands, and within minutes, flames had completely engulfed Jesus. All that remains now is a steel skeleton with open arms.

The statue had many nicknames like Touchdown Jesus and Big Butter Jesus, and served as an extreme distraction for drivers on I-75 for years. Across the street from Jesus towers an advertisement for an adult store which has never been struck by lightning.

Touchdown Jesus can still be viewed in his former glory on Google Streetview — just search for “Solid Rock Church” in Monroe, Ohio. Yes, Google has even been to Ohio.

Despite the $700,000 damage estimate, the Solid Rock Church plans to rebuild Touchdown Jesus so he can continue to inspire other drivers not to look at the road or that dirty billboard across the street.

Some Christians believe that the lightning strike was a sign that God is pissed at us lately because of the BP oil spill and legal battle going on over Gary Coleman’s estate — so he did what any angry father would do and burned a statue of his son.

Forget about the thousands of children getting molested by their priests everywhere — God already knew about that. He also knows about all the clergy that use church money to pay for sex and drugs; their day will come. But BP crossed the fucking line with that oil spill.

I mean seriously, what other reason would lightning have for striking a massive steel structure jutting straight into the sky during a storm? This is so weird that “God” can be the only answer. Lightning doesn’t strike something unless it deserves it.

On a serious note though, look how far our beliefs have come since Clash of the Titans.

Possibly true comment: “The building behind Touchdown Jesus had $700k in damage. The statue itself was $28 MILLION bucks.” — Don V.