Florida amazes me with its stupidity. In Florida, things happen that do not happen anywhere else in the world. Humans rape armadillos and alligators in Florida — make no mistake, this has happened before and it will happen again.

I read at least one news story from Florida every day that angers me so badly that I actually have to take a hate shit immediately after reading it.

Last week in the Orlando area, a 14-year-old boy named Edwin was arrested for trying to help a lost child find her mother. The child got separated from her mother inside a Burlington Coat Factory store, and when employees failed to notice her, Edwin tried to help.

After looking around for the child’s mother, Edwin thought maybe she was in the parking lot. He took the child’s hand and lead her outside — she wasn’t there either. Upon returning to the store, Edwin and the child were spotted by the frantic mother.

Edwin, although only a teenager, is a friendly giant — like Michael Clarke Duncan in The Green Mile — so it freaked the child’s mother out when she found her baby holding hands with a magical ex-slave fugitive rapist. Despite Edwin’s mother being present during the incident, the child’s mother decided to get the police involved.

The angry mother decided NOT to press any charges once Edwin and his mom explained, but the police arrested Edwin anyway and charged him with false imprisonment.

The police captain justified the charges by saying, “He was in custody of the child and had no authority to be so… we have not charged him with an offense that did not occur.” — This is the attitude that contributes to Florida having one of the highest incarceration rates in the US.

To make matters worse, Edwin’s privacy rights were violated because news cameras were rolling and reporters were shoving microphones in his face as he was hauled away in handcuffs. That’s right: The cops waited until the media showed up to exploit the 14-year-old honest citizen they captured — Florida tax dollars hard at work.

Within minutes, reports were rolling out that a kidnapper had been caught. And just like Michael Clarke Duncan in The Green Mile, Edwin was wrongly persecuted and completely misunderstood for trying to help a little girl. There are a lot of similarities between these two stories, but I don’t think Edwin will get the electric chair for his crimes.

See how stupid Florida can be? The cops can’t even catch real criminals anymore — they just arrest people that remind them of characters from Stephen King novels.

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