If there is one continent that is more obsessed with human excrement than any other, it is definitely Asia. Is it because Asia has the highest population of humans, or do Asian people actually have a genuine interest in feces? We may never know the true answer.

I have recently become aware of a chain of toilet-themed restaurants in Taiwan called Modern Toilet. Owner Eric Wang opened the first Modern Toilet in 2004 with the idea that people would enjoy eating dinner out of a toilet… while sitting on another toilet.

“Can you please pass the mashed poop-tatoes. Ha ha, get it guys?”

Customers pay to sit on covered toilets and eat their food out of plastic toilet bowls. The tables in the restaurant are bath tubs with glass tabletops. The waitresses wear giant brown turd costumes. I made that last one up, but there really IS shit-shaped ice cream!

Instead of using regular napkins to wipe your face clean, there is a toilet paper dispenser at each table.

Don’t expect any actual feces in the food — you’ll have to add that yourself. And despite all the toilets, you can’t actually shit in any of them except the ones in the real bathroom.

You may be asking yourself, “What’s the point of paying money to eat at a toilet-themed restaurant when I could just make a sandwich and go eat it while I take a dump in privacy?” Well, that’s actually a really good point, and umm… I don’t know.

Owner Eric Wang says, “Most customers think the more disgusting and exaggerated the restaurant is, the funnier the dining experience is.” — If that’s true, then he should let customers shit in those toilets that they paid to sit on.

Why stop at shit-shaped ice cream? Put lemonade on the menu and call it “piss,” or chocolate milkshakes called “diarrhea.” How about mozzarella cheese sticks dipped in a strawberry sauce that resemble used tampons? Chocolate covered Brussels sprouts could be shit-splattered testicles after explosive diarrhea ricocheted off the water.

WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?

So the next time you visit Taiwan to pay for sex with an underage child, visit the Modern Toilet and tell the manager to pass my ideas along to Eric Wang. Thanks!