SCOTLAND — Scottish brewers James Watt and Martin Dickie have created a monstrosity of alcoholic proportions. No, not Lindsay Lohan — I’m talking about “The End of History” blond Belgian ale. Each bottle comes pre-fitted with its own unique… “pouch” if you will.

Fuck it. It’s a beer bottle shoved up the ass of a dead animal until it came out the mouth.

Watt and Dickie own BrewDog brewery in Scotland, and they are pioneers on the forefront of beer making. If you don’t know shit about beer, allow me to explain.

There is beer, and then there is good beer. Most of the pisswater (read: Bud Light) that you buy in stores has about 5% alcohol per volume. Malt liquor is beer that has more alcohol in it — usually around 7% per volume. Before today, the strongest beer I’ve ever heard of was 13% alcohol per volume, which is on par with wine.

BrewDog’s “The End of History” beer is 55% — stronger than most whiskey, so it’s not only the first beer ever served out of a dead animal, but also the strongest beer ever.

This isn’t the kind of beer that you drink at frat parties. At $765 per bottle, “The End of History” is best enjoyed by yourself in a quiet room, so you can sip it slowly and appreciate the delicate and complex flavors of the squirrel and weasel hair.

BrewDog has only produced 12 bottles of this stuff so far, and they sold out quickly. All of the animals used were roadkill, but their corpses were in good condition — probably hit by a Smart car. Rumor has it, they are in cahoots with Richard Gere to create smaller bottles using dead gerbils — Gere Beer.

Animal rights advocates douchebags are butthurt by BrewDog’s exploitation of animal corpses to market their beer, but James Watt says he’d rather the animals be “celebrated and valued than left to rot.” That’s a good point: Fuck funerals. If I ever get killed, I hope someone shoves a wine bottle up my ass and sells me to a rich necrophiliac.

You can’t purchase “The End of History” beer right now because it’s sold out, but you can make your own. Right now, I’m sippin’ Kool-Aid out of a raccoon.

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