FLORIDA — On Friday night, the patrons at Cahoots Bar in Jacksonville were sent scrambling for the exits when a prankster sprayed a bottle of deer urine inside the establishment. The resulting odor was so pungent, people were stampeding each other to get outside.

During the ruckus, security personnel grabbed the suspected prankster, 26-year-old Joshua Brunke, and held him until police arrived. Two small bottles containing a rancid liquid were found on him. Police said the liquid smelled like “something had died.”

Well, yeah. Do you have any idea how hard it is to collect piss from a live deer?

Brunke told police that his buddy “Ricky” gave him the liquid and bet him $20 that he wouldn’t spray it inside the bar — it was too lucrative to turn down. The good news is that Brunke won the bet. Unfortunately, he was also charged with disorderly intoxication and public disturbance, which will cost him a lot more than $20 in the long run.

Aside from being a great cooking ingredient, deer urine has many other uses. It can also be used as an SPF 60 sunblock, a flotation device (the empty bottle floats), and a babysitter — just spray some on your kids and you can leave them for hours.

Deer urine is also used by hunters to lure horny deer to their deaths. Just squirt some on the ground and wait for a deer, then shoot it. It would be similar to hanging a really nice pair of tits from a tree and then shooting me while I stopped to admire them.

“Wow, we’re there already? I was just starting to fall asleep.” — Deer

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