PENNSYLVANIA — Dozens of people were at Billy Bell Park on Saturday evening when 19-year-old Joshua Orndoff took his clothes off and took a stroll through the playground.

Disturbed witnesses called the police, who found Orndoff hiding in an orange enclosed slide. He was completely naked and holding a large bag of marijuana.

Orndoff shouted obscenities as officers carried him away. When they placed him in a squad car, he beat the windows with his hands and feet. He was taken to the hospital for an evaluation, and then charged with drug possession with intent to sell, indecent exposure, public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, and open lewdness.

Orndoff’s motive for getting nude remains a mystery, but I have a feeling it was more than “public drunkenness” that caused his strange behavior. Most cops don’t know anything about psychedelic drugs, so they often mistake people on hallucinogens for being drunk.

While drunk people continuously surprise me with their FAILchievements, nothing can match the insanity caused by hallucinogens. If Orndoff drank 6 beers, he would probably just pass out and get a penis drawn on his face. It would take decades of alcohol abuse to build up the kind of tolerance to walk to a park, get naked, and fight the cops.

It’s much more likely that Orndoff was having a bad trip. I’m guessing that tiny green men were after him, and he had to disrobe and crawl inside the giant sandworm (with all his weed) to survive. It probably seemed perfectly rational to him at the time.

I’d be very surprised if it turns out alcohol was the only thing in Orndoff’s system. In that case, he’s a disgrace and should stick to pussy drinks like Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Sources: 1