This next story happened a stone’s throw from where I used to get my favorite hookers.

SOUTHFIELD, MI — A 2-year-old girl suffered only a broken femur after falling out of the window of her 9th floor apartment on Wednesday night. That’s almost 100 FEET.

The toddler’s mother was in the room when she leaned against the window screen and fell out. Police are considering it an accident, but I have my own suspicions.

I bet if the walls of that apartment could talk, they would say things like “We could really use a new coat of paint — it’s been 15 years,” and “She pushed that baby out the window!”

Several witnesses watched as the little girl hit the ground and screamed in pain with a broken femur — the largest bone in your body besides my erection (unless you’re a dude).

One witness described the sound of shattered bones as “very satisfying.”

Before you start believing in God and thinking that this was a miracle, it’s important to know that the little girl’s fall was softened because she landed in a tree first. She didn’t fall 100 feet and just bounce off the concrete. Had that happened, the police would still be scraping her off the sidewalk because toddlers explode easily — I would know.

Although the mother wasn’t charged, the outcome is bittersweet for her because you only get one chance to push your kid out of a window and pretend it was an accident.

Sources: 1