NORTH CAROLINA — The American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit today against Clayton High School for suspending 14-year-old Ariana Iacono for an entire month because she wore a tiny stud in her nose to class. The school’s dress code prohibits facial piercings, as well as “distracting” unnatural hair colors, short skirts, and sagging pants.

Ariana Iacono, 14, is an honor student with a bright future in something, probably.

The lawsuit calls for the immediate overturn of Ariana’s suspension, so she can resume learning. According to the ACLU, the suspension should have never occurred because Ariana’s nose piercing was a Holy artifact belonging to the Church of Body Modification.

Ariana and her mother are both members of the Church of Body Modification, or C.o.B.M — a real church that practices “ancient and modern body modification rites.” Ariana’s nose ring was a way of spiritually transgressing the human realm and finding her true self.

Ariana’s mother explained this belief (very seriously) to the Clayton school administrators. She even brought their body modification minister in to explain, but the school thought it was a bunch of poppycock. The idea was far too new-age and reminded them of hippism.

If the ACLU loses the lawsuit, Ariana will have to go to an alternative school for fuck-up kids, despite her good grades, and she’ll have to take her nose ring out there too.

THE REALITY OF SHIT

Nose rings help distract from the really distracting pimples that plague most teenagers in high school. Every student should have 3 lip rings and a dick tattoo on their cheek to hide the drive-in movie screen playing the movie Outbreak on their foreheads.

The one exception to most dress code rules is religion. People can do whatever the fuck they want in the deep south’s public school system if it’s part of their religion Christianity. You can dye your hair Pink in the name of Jesus and nobody will question you.

You could walk around naked with your tongue pierced to your scrotum, and probably get arrested — but when you tell those hillbilly pigs that you were doin’ it fer Jesus, they’d release you. Remember, this is the South — and possibly parts of Ohio.

If Christianity and Scientology are “real” religions, then EVERY other mythology and superstition should also be valid. In fact, it’s fucked that people have even set unspoken boundaries for what can be considered a legitimate belief or not.

If I believe that I am God, I should be able to start a church, and not pay taxes. And my followers should be able to go to school with little tattoos of my name on their foreheads. Why should I be able to do all this? Because Jesus did it, and everybody was OK with that.

Plus, my dad said I can be whatever I want when I grow up.

Do you think everyone should just chill and let kids pierce their faces? Comment below!

Sources: 1, C.o.B.M