Coping with despair
posted on October 8th, 2010 by Dustin at 3:45 pm (EST) with 13 Comments
I’ve been having trouble dealing with the loss of a friend, my mustache.
My mustache and I had grown close together over a 12 week period that I can only describe as “my great ascension to TRUE manhood.” All the while, I was avoiding perils that a man with a mustache faces, like dirty looks from women and pedostache comments.
One night, I decided to name my mustache. I was extremely drunk though, and forgot his name by the next morning. After that, I couldn’t look my mustache in the face anymore without feeling guilty. No man should ever forget his mustache’s name.
I had no choice but to destroy the creation that unlocked so many secrets of power and wisdom for me — my mustache. With each bristly hair that my Remmington beard/butt hair trimmer clipped off, I could feel the testosterone draining from my body.
Now my mustache is gone and all I have to remember his memory is this photo.
I know you’re thinking, “Do you really manscape your butt hair with your beard trimmer?”
My answer is HOW DARE YOU ask that question at my mustache’s funeral.
Do YOU think I should grow another badass muthafuckin’ mustache? Comment below!
13 Comments - Leave One!
Tags: Death, Murder, Mustache, Tragedy —
Comments
Comment from Josh
Time October 8, 2010 at 3:56 pm
it needs to come back, asap
Comment from Hrumthor the Mighty
Time October 8, 2010 at 4:43 pm
My condolences, friend.
May your lack of moustache be amended soon.
Comment from footlong
Time October 8, 2010 at 4:51 pm
If you really want to have a killer ’stache you should grow it over your butthole. I did.
Comment from Jenn
Time October 8, 2010 at 8:33 pm
To honor your mustache’s memory, you should just grow a beard and a mustache.
Comment from Kevin
Time October 8, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Yes. Do it. Awesomeness must be recreated
Comment from ashley
Time October 8, 2010 at 11:57 pm
id love to see a santa type of beard and stashe.
Comment from Amanda
Time October 9, 2010 at 8:21 am
Probably one of the coolest things I’ve seen in my life.
Comment from Thomas
Time October 9, 2010 at 10:54 am
Can something that awesome ever be matched? if you believe it can then go for it.. if not.. get a mustache tatoo with a nametag on it.
Comment from sarah
Time October 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm
yeah… i love mustaches. they are fantastic. and you are all the better with one than without.
Comment from kikki
Time October 11, 2010 at 12:31 am
if you don’t grow it back.. i’ll think less of you as a man
Comment from Guugley
Time October 12, 2010 at 2:45 am
I was having withdrawal symptoms from the lack of daily cynical injections that only Dustin could deliver ._.
And my re-arrival back to this site is probably the saddest post I’ve ever read… facepalm
Comment from J.C.
Time October 13, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I have one kinda like that right now, but without the wings. Most girls hate it and make negative comments, but that’s okay.
Comment from Dana
Time October 8, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Good riddance gross mustache!!!!!!!!!!!