I have received dozens of angry e-mails (okay, four) from Sidecarsally readers demanding an explanation for the recent lack of updates. Well, here’s the truth: I have AIDS.

Just kidding! I know that AIDS isn’t funny (unless it’s a clown with AIDS), but I had to break the ice, and it was between an AIDS scare or fake ball cancer. I could deal with bad karma and getting AIDS for joking about it, but my testicles are very near and dear to me.

To be quite honest, I very well could have AIDS and ball cancer and not even know because I haven’t visited a licensed doctor since before Obama was elected. My secret to health is to eat lots of fresh fruits and children — their skin is loaded with vitamins.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The REAL reason why I haven’t been updating as much is because I’ve been working on a new design for Sidecarsally. And guess what? It’s 100% complete, just not coded yet. But when it gets coded… oh man. Look out.

This new design is so goddamn awesome, I wouldn’t be surprised if you committed suicide after seeing it for the first time. If you don’t, you’ll at least feel the urge to fist yourself.

Please be patient. The time is almost upon us. My ass just stopped bleeding, so I can finally start the final steps to putting the design up. ALL of your asses will bleed soon too.

Love,

Sidecarsally