FLORIDA — Police responding to a call about a disturbance in the Florida Keys arrested an angry, naked, middle-aged man under the influence of alcohol and psychedelic drugs this weekend.

Employees from a nearby restaurant reported a naked man outside running into traffic. When officers arrived, 43-year-old Richard Gervasi was fully nude and attacking two of his friends in a parking lot.

An officer shouted for Gervasi to freeze, but he turned around and ran towards him instead. The frightened cop fired a shot from his Taser into Gervasi’s body, but he tore the prongs out and kept coming. Nearly shitting himself from fear, the cop fired a second shot and Gervasi fell to the ground.

As the officers approached Gervasi, a final surge of rage came over him. He got up and started walking towards his friends again. A third and final shot was issued from the Taser, and he went back down.

“I’m the king of the world!“ he reportedly shouted while being arrested. “I’m made of steel!“

Having used up all the shots in his Taser, the officer would’ve had to use real bullets to stop Gervasi if he tried to make a run for it after that. They should crank up the voltage until it melts pubic hair.

Gervasi was taken to the hospital and evaluated. He admitted that he had consumed alcohol and LSD.

Once his insanity tapered off, he was taken to jail and charged with resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Oddly enough, he was not charged with indecent exposure, so that can only mean one thing: the officers enjoyed watching Gervasi’s penis flopping around as he was being shocked by the Taser.

If you’re considering trying LSD, but haven’t yet because you’re unsure about how you might react to it, this story should make your decision a lot easier. What the fuck are you waiting for? Go trip balls!

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