ILLINOIS — Pet owner George Kalomiris always keeps one eye on the sky when he takes Chico, his 4-pound Chihuahua, for a walk. The defenseless dog, which bears a strong resemblance to an oversized rodent, was nearly carried off into the night by a great horned owl recently.

Kalomiris and Chico were taking a late-night stroll through their suburban Chicago neighborhood when a large owl swooped down and grabbed the dog by the midsection. Luckily, Chico was wearing a vest, which prevented the owl from gaining a firm grasp and carrying him away into the darkness.

The attack only lasted a few seconds, and Kalomiris was able to frighten the owl away after it became entangled with the dog’s leash. He could have grabbed the owl’s neck and snapped it like a twig, but he hesitated for two reasons: 1) It’s illegal to kill or capture owls, and 2) Owls are fucking scary!

Chico was taken to a nearby animal hospital and treated for a puncture wound. He is expected to make a full recovery, and it’s all thanks to that vest. Owls have 200-300 pounds per square inch of crushing power in their talons — men only have about 60 pounds per square inch (of hand space, not cock size).

Part of me wishes that little Chico wasn’t wearing a vest or leash that night. I’m not really a fan of shaky little dogs with bulging eyes and high-pitched yaps, so I probably wouldn’t have lost any sleep if this story ended tragically. In fact, if I were an owl, I would live on a chihuahua-only diet.

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