UNITED KINGDOM — Say what you want, non-believer. The APE-ocalypse has begun.

This shocking video was recently uploaded to YouTube by someone at Port Lympne Wild Animal Park. It serves as definitive proof that great apes are evolving, and most likely planning a takeover.

Most people don’t know this, but gorillas have had the ability to walk upright like men for thousands of years. They just don’t do it around humans because it’s supposed to be an ancient ape secret. Think about it: If gorillas ever invaded a country, the humans there would be a lot more terrified if they’d never seen a gorilla walking on two legs before. But now, they won’t be as surprised.

In every major war, there were spies on both sides. The Ape War is no different. Many primatologists (monkey doctors) already know that gorilla intelligence is underestimated by the government, but they keep it a secret because of their alliances with the apes. They should not be trusted.

I knew a girl who was a primatologist, and guess what? She was a bitch.

Nintendo tried to warn us of a gorilla takeover in 1994 when the game Donkey Kong Country was released. DKC introduced an interesting concept — rhinoceros-riding gorillas.

“Rambi the Rhinocerus” is the first animal buddy that the Kongs encounter in the video game series, and it’s likely that the two species would form a bond and turn against the humans in real life.

If you think this is too far-fetched, then think again. There are over a thousand animals at Port Lympne Wild Animal Park, and in addition to walking gorillas, there are twenty rhinoceroses.

Twenty rhinos could plow through a 50-foot wall of children held together with barbed wire like nothing.

The time has come to choose sides and start stocking up on guns and ammunition. Those damn dirty apes won’t go down without a good fight. The good news is that when they invade, there will only be a few thousand of them because they’re almost extinct already — and there are even less rhinos.