Police officers in Barrie, Ontario were responding to a routine call about an assault on a pregnant woman when they discovered a freezing kitten with its head stuck inside of can of Beefaroni.

When the officers arrived at the victim’s home, they found her sitting on the front porch, barefoot and crying. Next to her, officers saw what they thought was “a frozen squirrel in a Beefaroni can.” Upon closer inspection, they realized the animal was still alive, and that it wasn’t a squirrel. Shame on them.

“Don’t forget about me,” the victim undoubtedly shrieked. “I was assaulted, remember?”

I’ll get this part out of the way quickly: The victim was fine and her 18-year-old boyfriend was charged with assault. Way to go, douchebag — you assaulted a pregnant girl. Now, back to that poor kitten.

The kitten is in good health, and had the can safely removed from its head. If it hasn’t been adopted by now, it will be very soon because everybody wants a pet with a cool background story.

Editor’s note: My two favorite things in the world are kittens and Beefaroni. I would’ve made a joke about “my favorite thing getting stuck inside my favorite thing,” but that sounds extremely sexual.

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