MINNESOTA — 39-year-old Stacey Champion is facing animal cruelty charges after she stuffed a 4-month-old puppy in a cardboard box without air holes and tried to mail it across America.

Luckily for the dog, postal workers discovered it before it was loaded into an unpressurized and unheated cargo section of a plane where it would have certainly froze to death and asphyxiated.

This is not the actual dog. There are tons of images of dogs being stuffed into boxes on Google.

Champion told employees at the post office not to worry if strange noises came from the box because it contained a toy robot. She paid for the box to be shipped from Minneapolis to Georgia, over 1,000 miles away, and left. Shortly after, the puppy grew restless inside the box and knocked it off a counter.

That’s when the postal workers became suspicious and opened the package. “Damn, toy robots look so realistic these days,” one worker said. “Wait a minute, this thing’s real!”

The puppy was taken in good health to a local animal control facility.

The police were notified, and they were able to locate Champion and cite her for animal cruelty. She said the puppy was a gift for someone. “Happy birthday, Johnny! Open your gift. It’s a dead puppy!”

There are too many flaws in Champion’s thought process to point them all out, but even as a young child, I knew that air holes were vital to the survival of any animal that I captured. Champion must have known it was wrong to ship a puppy in a box though because she lied about the parcel’s contents.

I got a live snake shipped to me once, but the box had proper ventilation and a heating pad inside. That’s right, even the crazy motherfucker that mails snakes to people is smart enough to do it right.

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