FLORIDA — The search is on for 51-year-old Eliseo Ortiz, codename “Nun Puncher.” On Valentine’s Day, he punched an 81-year-old Franciscan nun repeatedly in the face and then rode away on a bicycle.

Police say Ortiz was angry because he was issued a trespass warning from Sister Nora Brick’s church. So, he did what Jesus would have done, and went to her home to offer a peaceful resolution. At the Sister’s home, he asked her for a drink of water because nuns can never refuse water to a person.

Trusting in God to protect her, Sister Brick invited Ortiz into her home. God wasn’t listening that day though. Ortiz immediately started bashing her face with his fists while she begged for mercy.

While I’m not a very religious person, I certainly do not agree with punching nuns. Poor Sister Black is recovering in the hospital right now, and Ortiz is still free. The score is Satan 99,382,993 — God 0.

You know, I don’t mean to be so cynical about religion. She probably just wasn’t praying hard enough.

If you have any information about Ortiz’s whereabouts, call the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office. You may even get some kind of reward for a helpful tip. Their number is: Look it up on Google.

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