ALABAMA — Police busted two construction workers that stole 48 pounds of compressed marijuana from an evidence locker at the Florence Police Station. The men were part of a renovation crew that was contracted to install a ventilation fan in the locker room because the smell of drugs was so strong.

Police say Scott Burgert and Bradley Jones stole the drugs incrementally over three days. It was packaged in four compressed bails and stored in a box within arms reach of the workers.

The smell emanating from the box was overwhelming. Satan himself suddenly appeared and said, “This weed is scheduled for destruction anyway. Take it, sell it, and spend the money on whores!”

And so they did. Except for the whore part — I still have to verify that.

Since the police generally aren’t retarded, they audited the evidence room when the renovations were complete and — big surprise — 48 pounds of weed was missing. They launched an investigation and were eventually led back to Burgert and Jones. After executing search warrants at both mens’ homes, they recovered about four pounds of the suspected stolen pot.

Both men were charged with first-degree theft of property and trafficking marijuana. Unfortunately, the real victims in this story are the people that ended up smoking that moldy, compressed weed. It was originally seized during a drug bust in 2004, and was in very poor condition.

The Lauderdale Drug Task Force said because of its poor condition and age, the entire 48 pounds of weed would only be worth about $10,000 street value — that’s how poopy it was.

If I found 48 pounds of weed ANYWHERE besides a police station, I’d be tempted to steal it too. But what did those two fucktards expect would happen? They should have stolen the valuable candle stick that Colonel Mustard used to kill Professor Plum with. That’s gotta be worth more than $10,000.

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