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FLORIDA — All Frederick Sims wanted was a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny’s. He didn’t know it would take the idiots in the kitchen 20 freakin’ years to make it though. It was almost 3:30AM, and the amount of time he and his friends had been waiting to get their food was unacceptable.

Unable to wait any longer, the group decided to leave. They walked out to the parking lot and piled into Sim’s Cadillac Escalade. Sims was too angry to just leave though. That wouldn’t have taught those fuckers at Denny’s a lesson. You know what would though? Angrily firing a gun into the sky.

Sims pulled out a .22-caliber pistol and squeezed a few caps off into the atmosphere, and then left.

Denny’s employees witnessed the Escalade peeling out immediately after the shots, so they called the police and gave them a description of the vehicle and its occupants.

Within minutes, police had stopped Sims and searched his vehicle. They discovered a loaded pistol under his seat and a *gasp* marijuana cigarette, which was most likely a blunt that was mislabeled in the police report. If you’re a gun-toting Escalade-driving gangster, then you smoke blunts.

Sims was arrested and charged with discharging a firearm in public and possession of less than 20 grams of cannabis. In Florida, I think the weed charge is more serious than the gun charge.

I’ve been to Denny’s dozens of times, and they can be really slow. It angers me too, but I’ve learned that passive aggressiveness is the best way to get revenge. Steal the silverware from the table if you’re unsatisfied with the service. If they have fancy cloth napkins, take them into the bathroom, wipe your ass with them, and then flush them down the toilet, hoping that the pipes get clogged.

You might as well smear some poop on the walls before leaving too, you crazy bastard.

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