NEW YORK — Police arrested 24-year-old Rasheen Harrison outside his ex-girlfriend’s apartment after he exhibited some truly psychotic behavior. He was nude and his hands were covered in feces.

According to Harrison, he was angry because his ex allegedly stole his cell phone. Actually, angry isn’t a good word to describe it. He wasn’t pissed either. What’s the emotion called when you’re so angry that you violently shit everywhere and smear it around, and then set your clothes on fire?

Harrison began his hateful “brown out” in the elevator at his pregnant ex-girlfriend’s apartment building. He took off his clothes and shat on the elevator floor, then decorated the walls with it. After arriving at her floor, he banged on his ex’s door and shouted “I am the devil” while burning his clothes at her doorstep.

Maybe next time she’ll think about the consequences before stealing something from a crazy person.

When police and firefighters arrived at the scene, they found Harrison naked in the hallway with poop on his hands. He was arrested and taken to jail where he once again defecated and decorated the walls.

He faces charges of arson, criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and shitting in an elevator. The pregnant ex-girlfriend and her two other children were shaken, but unharmed.

It should be a rule of thumb that anyone who shits and smears it somewhere should be automatically presumed insane. Think about it: Excluding skat porn stars, the only humans that take delight in playing with their poo are babies, psychos, and the occasional retarded person.

It’s perfectly acceptable to laugh at a giant or weird-looking turd that you created (in a TOILET), and you can even take a photo of it with your phone and send it to a friend. There’s nothing wrong with that because you don’t touch the monster, you flush it — it’s like catch and release fishing.

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