♫ You better watch out. You better not cry. ♫

♫ You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why — a guy like Gordon Schumacher lives in your town. ♫

♫ He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good because he put a wireless webcam in your bedroom, and uses it to mas-tur-bate. ♫

COLORADO — Gordon Schumacher faces charges of second degree burglary and unlawful sexual contact after he allegedly confessed to his neighbor to placing a hidden camera in her home.

Police suspect that Schumacher entered Nicole Bernard’s home through an unlocked door and put a wireless webcam underneath her computer desk while she was away. When she discovered the webcam, she freaked out and spent the night terrified in her car, clutching her dog for safety.

When she returned home the next day, Schumacher knocked on her door and confessed. “He just stood there and he started shaking,” she said. “He just looked at me and said ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It was me.’”

He pleaded for her sympathy by acknowledging that he had a problem, and then saying “I haven’t done this in a really long time” — making it clear this wasn’t his first (or probably last) time peeping.

Bernard bitched him out and then called the police, who arrested him a short time later.

In his mug shot, Schumacher is wearing a t-shirt that reads: “People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours.” Well, I’ve already given up on my dream to be a fishing boat captain, so I’ll be the weak one and discourage Schumacher from doing this again.

Next time, he should just sit in a tree outside her window like every other regular ol’ pervert.

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