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Goose Island brewer gets pissed

CHICAGO — I love beer. Sometimes, I drink so much of it that I lose track of the night, and the next day, there’s a Post-It note stuck to my ass that reads “Thanks.” Then the regret kicks in.

The owner of the Chicago-based Goose Island Beer Company, Greg Hall, is also regretting a night of overconsumption that culminated with him urinating into two beer glasses at a bar during a party.

Hall, a well-known and highly respected public figure, was upset about recently selling the Goose Island company to Anheuser-Busch. According to a bartender, Hall stood at the bar and relieved himself into two glasses, while expressing his regret over the acquisition: “I fucked up big time,” he said.

The bartender claimed that he also had to clean up the piss that Hall splashed everywhere.

So what’s so wrong about a man whipping his dick out and pissing at the bar of his own brewery? Actually, the incident happened at a different bar called Wicker Park’s Bangers & Lace — which sounds more like a brothel to me — “I’d like a beer, and that girl with the huge bangers and lace.”

Hall was interviewed yesterday and said he was far too intoxicated that night to recall any specific details. “I did what I did and I take responsibility for it,” he said. In this case, “taking responsibility” simply means “admitting guilt” and that’s about it because there were no actual consequences.

Big corporations ruin everything! If Anheuser-Busch didn’t exist, then Goose Island beer would still be independent, and Greg Hall wouldn’t have urinated at the bar that night. Actually, he probably still would have — he just would have been a lot happier about not selling his dad’s 23-year-old business.

Ah, the joys of being rich. Not like I’d know or anything; The last time I urinated in a bar, a bouncer punched me in the neck and put me in a headlock, but I probably shouldn’t have been pissing on him.

When I do get rich though, I am going to urinate EVERYWHERE. Just you wait.

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