FLORIDA — Thanks to the hard work of the Florida senate, anti-bestiality bill SB 344 was passed unanimously, and now awaits Governor Rick Scott’s approval or veto. This will be a pinnacle moment in his political career as he decides whether or not fucking animals should be officially wrong.

In 2005, Florida prosecutors had difficulty bringing charges against 29-year-old Alan Yoder, a blind man accused of having sex with his guide dog, a male golden Labrador ironically named Lucky. Yoder was initially charged with felony animal cruelty, but the charge had to be lowered to a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct because he didn’t punch or kick the dog — he only stuck his dick in the dog’s ass.

Most states that have laws against bestiality have them because they learned a lesson after someone there raped an animal and got away with it in court. In Florida, numerous people have been accused of bestiality, but there were no major attempts at creating anti-bestiality legislature until recently.

If SB 344 is approved, screwing animals would be a first-degree misdemeanor (still not even a felony). Basically, the only thing that would be accomplished is fucking animals would be slightly more punishable, but that’s probably not enough to deter someone desperate enough to fuck a goat.

It would still be more illegal to grow a weed plant in Florida than to anally rape your neighbor’s cat.

Sources: 1, 2