CONNECTICUT — 22-year-old Daniel Vagnini not only has the best last name in the universe, but he’s also got one of the best drunken arrest stories ever too. Read on, you little Vagninis.

Vagnini was driving home drunk when a police officer witnessed him ignore a stop sign at an intersection and nearly crash into another car. Vagnini saw the cop too though, and knew that he was going to get pulled over, so he turned down another road immediately and hatched a plan.

The cops were looking for him, so in hopes of diverting their attention away from his drunk driving, he decided to fabricate an assault story. He stopped his car near a river and ran into the woods, then he punched himself in the face, tore his shirt, and threw his keys and wallet into the river.

As the police searched the nearby area for Vagnini’s car, he called 911 and reported that he was lost in the woods. When the cops found him by the river, this was more or less what he said:

“I was drinking in a nearby town, and somebody attacked me as I was walking out to my car to drive home. They beat me until I blacked out. They must’ve put me in the car and drove away, so that’s probably who you saw run the red light. When they saw you, they panicked and pulled down this road. They must’ve dragged me out into the woods and then fled on foot. I just woke up out here.”

Despite Vagnini having minor facial injuries and a torn t-shirt, the cops were unconvinced by his story, and it didn’t take long until he admitted the truth to them. In addition to reckless driving and driving while intoxicated, he was also charged with evading responsibility for lying about what happened.

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