NEW YORK — A highly-respected martial arts instructor has been accused of sexually abusing four underage female students. The suspect is 67-year-old Frank DeMaria, a kung fu grandmaster.

DeMaria teaches street-fighting techniques in his class, and training often involves physical contact between the instructor and his pupils, but according to the girls, he instructed them to touch his genitals during their lessons at his school. “This is a real self-defense move, I swear. Keep stroking.”

I used to practice karate, and there really is a move called the “groin pull,” which involves grabbing someone’s genitals and ripping them off while punching the gaping wound with your other hand.

That’s a Taekwondo technique that originated in Korea though — not a Chinese kung fu move.

All of DeMaria’s students’ parents signed waivers warning them of physical contact, but the waiver did not specify that their children may have to fondle the instructor’s genitals.

DeMaria, who denies the allegations, is a retired police officer and founder of the American Center for Chinese Studies. He is also the adopted son of legendary kung fu master Ch’ang Tung Sheng.

He is currently free on $50,000 bail and thinking of more creative ways to get kids to touch him.

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THE GRANDMASTER EXPLANATION:

Long before the Ku Klux Klan had grandmasters, the Chinese people that practiced kung fu had them first. It’s easy to distinguish between the two grandmasters though — one usually looks like a redneck.

The KKK started feeling shitty about the grandmaster title because they didn’t know martial arts, so they came up with the Grand Imperial Wizard because magic is better than kung fu. In the KKK, the grandmaster answers to the GIW, which is probably their little way of giving China the finger.