NEW YORK — A hazardous materials cleanup crew responded to a poisoning scare at a Taco Bell in Long Island last week, but the ominous sight of men in white hazmat suits didn’t stop dozens of brave customers from lining up outside and waiting for the restaurant to reopen.

The poisoning scare surprisingly began over a beverage from the soda fountain, NOT from a taco. A young boy complained to his father that his drink smelled and tasted strange, and it made him sick. His father decided to take the drink to the nearest police station for examination.

At the police station, one officer became physically ill after simply smelling the beverage — he didn’t even need to taste it. Unfortunately, nobody described the smell, so imagine that it smelled like whatever you think the foulest odor is. For me, it’s partially-digested suhsi vomited into Ke$ha’s butthole.

The Taco Bell was immediately closed while a hazmat team was called in to investigate. A sign on the door read: Sorry we will re-open at 7PM because of an equipment problem. Thank You

Taco Bell managers apparently aren’t required to possess common knowledge of punctuation.

The hazmat teams declared the restaurant non-hazardous. There were no turds in the meat, or urine mixed with the Mountain Dew syrup, but they plan on doing further analysis on the soda machine.

Moments after the doors reopened, hungry patients began filing in and lining up at the drive-thru, seemingly unconcerned about any potential health threats. Some customers were told about the poisoning scare by news reporters, and they just laughed, saying things like, “I eat here all the time!”

A person isn’t immune to food poisoning at a restaurant just because they eat there often.

At first, I thought those customers were crazy. How could they not be scared away by the sight of yellow crime scene tape and men in the protective suits that you see in zombie outbreak movies? Maybe they were desensitized after years of hearing things like “Taco Bell’s meat is the same grade as dog food.”

I wouldn’t know if I was poisoned after eating Taco Bell because even on a good day, their food makes me feel sick and I end up nearly shitting myself. That young boy and cop must not eat there very often.

There is also the possibility that the young boy had accidentally poured himself a Pepsi Max.

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