You know what the coolest part about having 5,000 Facebook friends is? Absolutely nothing.

Meet Alex Xander, turbo douche extraordinaire. He is just one of many prolific Facebook spammers.

That’s not a real penis in the photo above. Tell your boss it’s a flesh colored dildo. He’ll understand.

Alex is one those people who posts a photo of a kid with cancer, followed by a caption that reads something like: IF THIS PHOTO GETS 10,000 SHARES THIS CHILD WILL GET A PENIS TRANSPLANT.

It’s a pathetic attempt to farm more shares and likes, thus making more people view your profile. That little kid with cancer isn’t going to get a new penis regardless of how many likes their photo gets.

The newest “like” farming attempt from Alex Xander is a photo of a little boy saluting his dead marine father’s casket. It’s a touching photo, and the caption reads: How many likes for this little marine saying goodbye to his dad? It currently has over 170,000 likes and over 4,000 shares.

Even worse, Alex Xander posted a comment underneath the photo that says “who wants 100 Fʀɪᴇɴᴅ Rᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ in 5 min? Subscribe and I can help.”

If you are one of the people who likes or shares photos posted by these spamwad assfucks, then you’re part of the problem. Stop reading this and go stick your head in the toilet because your brain is a pile of shit. What’s next? A photo of Holocaust victims claiming that they’ll be resurrected after a million likes? You better click like on it JUST IN CASE!

I’ve definitely exploited people before for my own personal benefit, but this is different because I actually PROFITED off that child labor. How would a regular Facebook user profit from getting thousands of likes on a single photo? And why does Facebook condone this activity?

WAIT A MINUTE…

Is it possible that dildo heads like Alex Xander are simply employed by FACEBOOK to use their expert spamming techniques in order to generate thousands of more pageviews and subsequent ad clicks?

We already know that Facebook arbitrarily deletes accounts for all kinds of stuff, so why would they let someone exploit orphaned children and terminally ill people for spam purposes? I once got my account suspended for a week over calling a girl a pedophile. Where’s the justice?

The next time that you see a photo like the one above and think “aww, I should share this,” save the photo to your desktop and then upload it to your profile. Don’t share it so it links back to a motherless queef like Alex Xander.

ARGGHHHH!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!!