Aside from eating feces straight from the anuses of children, I couldn’t imagine a more bizarre and disgusting entrée; that is, until I heard about ground-up fetus pills.

According to several reports, South Korean customs officials have seized thousands of capsules containing the powdered remains of dead fetuses. The pills allegedly have stamina boosting properties. If you consume the powdered remains of a dead fetus, you absorb the fetus’s essence and gain its stamina. Makes sense, right?

How can you fit a fetus into a pill capsule?

That’s a great question, Jaqueefa.

First, the fetuses are chopped into smaller pieces and placed on a stove top to dry out. Once the pieces are dried out, they’re ground into a fine powder and stuffed into small dissolving capsules.

Sorry, I need to stop writing for a moment. I’m getting really turned on.

OK, I’m better.

Nobody was arrested for smuggling the pills from China because they were intended for personal use only. Plus, dead babies are as plentiful in China as insects are in the rainforest, so nobody REALLY cares what happens to the corpses as long as they keep disappearing.

Chinese people will consume virtually anything if they hear that it reverses aging or gives you a stronger erection. This is one of the setbacks of having Facebook banned in China: nobody can post a status about how the crushed rhino horn pill only made them constipated.

I don’t know why China doesn’t accept Western medicine. We’ve got amazing drugs that can cure everything from depression to erectile dysfunction and the only side effects are really minor things like suicidal tendencies and liver failure.

Original story HERE.

Pop quiz, hot shot: While getting drunk, you run out of alcohol and need to make a trip to the liquor store, but there’s no babysitter available to watch your kids. Do you A) call a friend and have them bring you booze, B) go to bed disappointed, or C) pile your kids into the car and drive drunk to the store?

If you answered “C,” then you’ve almost recreated Aaron S. Stefanski’s Monday night. All that’s left to do is strap the four kids to the hood of your car in the liquor store parking lot and get arrested for DUI and felony neglect while driving home. You read that correctly.

A witness near the liquor store called police after he saw Stefanski and a woman secure the kids to the hood of his car with a tow strap and then drive away.

A nearby U.S. Marshall spotted the vehicle and pulled it over after intercepting the police call with his radio. He immediately recognized Stefanski’s vehicle by the four children strapped to the hood.

The children, ages 4, 5, 6, and 7, were unharmed. According to reports, the three youngest kids were Stefanski’s and the eldest was the daughter of the woman that he was arrested with.

Stefanski allegedly told police that he thought the kids would enjoy the ride, and that he was only going to drive around the corner. His blood alcohol level was 0.17 — more than twice the legal limit in Indiana.

Both Stefanski and his female accomplice were arrested. Stefanski was charged with three felony counts of neglect of a dependent, felony operating a vehicle while intoxicated, and four misdemeanor counts of criminal recklessness. The woman faces a felony neglect charge and her child was turned over to the state. Stefanski’s three kids were turned over to their mother.

A man with 0.17 BAC shouldn’t be driving, but should still be coherent enough to realize that the best (read: least obvious) way to make room for the booze would be to cram the kids in the trunk.

Stefanski’s Facebook profile can be viewed HERE. Troll away.

Anyone who owns a cat should know that they are bi-polar dicks. It hurts when an angry house cat buries its claws in you, so imagine a 150-pound cheetah going bi-polar on your ass.

That’s what happened to Violet. One minute she was posing for photos with the beautiful cats, and the next she was on the ground with her neck in the jaws of a Hell Beast.

Luckily, her husband was there to save her take photos of the mauling.

While his wife writhed on the ground, screaming as the two cheetahs bit her on her legs, stomach, head, and neck, he was clueless that she was in peril. In one photo, Violet seems to be looking over her shoulder at her husband with that “why the fuck aren’t you helping me” look in her eyes.

The mauling lasted a few terrifying minutes. While her husband continued taking photos (I love this guy!), a trainer helped chase the animals away with a stick.

An 8-year-old girl was also mauled and suffered minor injuries, but there are no pictures of her being attacked, so she only gets an honorable mention in this article.

Violet suffered cuts and punctures all over her body and took a cheetah claw to the eye, almost causing her to lose it. Once the animals were a safe distance away from her, her husband approached and lifted her off the ground like Superman coming to the rescue.

Trainers at the park believe that a running child in the enclosure may have caused the cheetahs to get agitated. Great parenting starts with letting your children run around inside a wild cat enclosure.

The trainers also suspect that another nearby cat in heat could have caused the two male cheetahs to become aggressive. So there you have it: the cheetahs either wanted to play rough with a running child, or fuck it — and it all led to Violet D’Mello getting mauled and her husband taking great photos of it.

Despite this attack, thousands of people will continue to ignore common sense and place themselves in harm’s way because they’ve just gotta touch the skin on a rhino’s balls, or smell a lion’s breath.

If you’ve ever stood by while your spouse was helplessly mauled by wild animals, please share your story below and don’t forget to post the photos!

Photo source: 1

No beauty without pain.

To compliment her brown leather skin, Krentcil generously applies a thick border of dark lip liner around her mouth, further enhancing the WTFness of her appearance. Her skin is so radiated and destroyed from ultraviolet rays that her vagina looks like my actual brown leather wallet.

I’d post a photo of my wallet, but it’s NSFW.

Krentcil’s tanning addiction is by all means her choice, but she was recently arrested after allegedly introducing her 5-year-old daughter to the world of skin cancer.

Police were notified by her daughter’s school administrators last month when the little girl showed up to school sporting some sexy sun burns. Krentcil was charged with child endangerment shortly after.

Krentcil strongly denies the charges against her, claiming that her daughter got sunburned by playing outside. However, when a school nurse asked the little girl how she got burned, she replied innocently, “I go tanning with mommy.” — Ratted out by her own kid!

The tanning salon in question was not charged with a crime because they had no knowledge of Krentcil’s actions, but in New Jersey, it’s illegal for children under fourteen to use a tanning bed.

Krentcil was released on $25,000 bail and her daughter is now in the father’s custody. Krentcil has four other children and it’s unknown if she’s ever forced them to fake n’ bake with her too.

If the charges against Krentcil are valid, she should be forced to have her skin bleached as pale as her daughter’s — a fair-skinned little ginger. Of all people to force-tan… a ginger.

I still love you mommy, even though you hurt me.

It disgusts me that a mother would go to such an extreme to alter her baby’s appearance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta get back to this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.

Source: NJ.com news

This week, 47-year-old Guercy Edmond reminded the world not to screw with taxi drivers after he completely ran over a 23-year-old man, leaving him hospitalized with serious injuries.

Edmond can be seen in the screen capture below running over a man who was a passenger in his cab only moments before an argument over the fare ensued. He now faces hit-and-run, assault, and dangerous driving charges.

WHO’S REALLY TO BLAME?

I’m going to approach this differently than other news sources and immediately blame this whole thing on the passengers of the the taxi based on one single assumption: The passengers were most likely drunk and the driver was not. Update: THEY WERE DRUNK.

The handful of news reports and witness accounts that I’ve read primarily pin the blame on Edmond, the driver. After all, he DID run over a man. Therefore, it must be his fault, right? Wrong.

I don’t think it’s that simple. If you watch the video below, you see a group of men ruthlessly kicking and beating the taxi cab. Right before the victim gets struck by the vehicle, one man even jumps on the hood.

Imagine for a moment that you were Edmonds and had just chauffeured four rowdy drunkards around in your taxi. After arguing about the fare and not paying, they exit the vehicle. You try to stand up for yourself, shouting at them and demanding your money. Instead of paying, they cause thousands of dollars worth of damage to your vehicle by surrounding it and kicking it.

Your most logical options for survival are: 1) Get out and physically fight four intoxicated men. 2) Wait in your car and call the police while mindless drunks vandalize the shit out your vehicle. 3) Try to escape by driving away and hope everyone moves out of the way.

If I were Guercy Edmond, I would have gotten out of the taxi and calmly performed a single roundhouse kick that would make perfect contact with the heads of all four assailants, killing them instantly.

Unfortunately, Edmond is not me. He chose the next logical option and frantically drove away.

Witnesses said Edmond appeared to be aiming for the four men, but watch the video again — he was trying to escape. Wouldn’t you react the same way if four men were destroying your car? I know your 2001 Cavalier isn’t worth that much, but it took you months to save the $800 to buy it and I doubt you’d helplessly sit there while people repeatedly kicked it.

It’s ironic how quickly the assholes of this story turned into the victims. The only person who was arrested was Guercy Edmonds, not the guys who were caught on film jumping on his taxi and kicking it.

In the extraordinarily unlikely case that I’m wrong and the four passengers were NOT drunk, then they have even less of an excuse to be kicking and jumping on the taxi.

Alternate angle of an asshole kicking Edmond’s taxi.

After the hit-and-run, the police quickly caught up with Edmond and arrested him. He now faces several years in prison. I’d like to call forth everyone to add him on Facebook and show him some support.

Update: Guercy Edmond was granted bail.

I’d like to see the amount of support for Edmond rival the KONY 2012 movement. Edmond didn’t kidnap children and create child soldiers. He accidentally ran over a drunk guy who fucked with his car.

I created a Facebook fan page dedicated to posting cute kitten pictures and promoting justice for Guercy Edmond. Please like and share the page and feel free to share your opinions and/or kitten photos.

I have a special hatred for anyone who vandalizes a vehicle. I’ve owned two cars that got huge dents kicked into the side of them on separate occasions by random dickbags.

In the end of “Taxi Driver,” De Niro’s character was hailed a hero because everyone that he murdered was a lowlife thug. Why can’t Edmond be hailed a hero for plowing into some drunken turd?

Meet Alex Xander, turbo douche extraordinaire. He is just one of many prolific Facebook spammers.

That’s not a real penis in the photo above. Tell your boss it’s a flesh colored dildo. He’ll understand.

Alex is one those people who posts a photo of a kid with cancer, followed by a caption that reads something like: IF THIS PHOTO GETS 10,000 SHARES THIS CHILD WILL GET A PENIS TRANSPLANT.

It’s a pathetic attempt to farm more shares and likes, thus making more people view your profile. That little kid with cancer isn’t going to get a new penis regardless of how many likes their photo gets.

The newest “like” farming attempt from Alex Xander is a photo of a little boy saluting his dead marine father’s casket. It’s a touching photo, and the caption reads: How many likes for this little marine saying goodbye to his dad? It currently has over 170,000 likes and over 4,000 shares.

Even worse, Alex Xander posted a comment underneath the photo that says “who wants 100 Fʀɪᴇɴᴅ Rᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ in 5 min? Subscribe and I can help.”

If you are one of the people who likes or shares photos posted by these spamwad assfucks, then you’re part of the problem. Stop reading this and go stick your head in the toilet because your brain is a pile of shit. What’s next? A photo of Holocaust victims claiming that they’ll be resurrected after a million likes? You better click like on it JUST IN CASE!

I’ve definitely exploited people before for my own personal benefit, but this is different because I actually PROFITED off that child labor. How would a regular Facebook user profit from getting thousands of likes on a single photo? And why does Facebook condone this activity?

WAIT A MINUTE…

Is it possible that dildo heads like Alex Xander are simply employed by FACEBOOK to use their expert spamming techniques in order to generate thousands of more pageviews and subsequent ad clicks?

We already know that Facebook arbitrarily deletes accounts for all kinds of stuff, so why would they let someone exploit orphaned children and terminally ill people for spam purposes? I once got my account suspended for a week over calling a girl a pedophile. Where’s the justice?

The next time that you see a photo like the one above and think “aww, I should share this,” save the photo to your desktop and then upload it to your profile. Don’t share it so it links back to a motherless queef like Alex Xander.

ARGGHHHH!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!!

Oh look, there’s a dozen new pictures of your newborn sleeping. A whole dozen of them — all the same. There’s a picture of the box of Triscuits and bottle of water that you ate for lunch at your work desk. How interesting. What’s this? An entire album called “BLUNTS,” and it’s all photos of you smoking weed.

All of that stuff is so fascinating, but I don’t care about any of it as much as I care about the Red Wings scoring a goal or the Tigers hitting a home run. Thank you for your play-by-play sports updates on Facebook. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. The next time you walk by a playground and see some kids playing kickball, be sure to post an update if little Davey kicks one out of the park.

No food pic or sports update can compare to 20-year-old Michael Baker’s post that got him arrested.

When Baker noticed an unoccupied police car, he decided to siphon the gasoline out of it and post about it on Facebook. Of course none of his Facebook friends would believe him without photographic evidence, so he had his girlfriend take a photo of him in the act.

Posting photos online of yourself doing illegal things is derptastic, but if you crave attention THAT badly, at least blur out your face. If you don’t know how to do that, then crop your face out of the photo. If you’re too ignorant to know how to crop a photo, then at least make your Facebook page totally private. But if you can’t even crop a photo, I doubt you know where the FB privacy settings are.

Naturally, Baker’s photo was reported and the police were easily able to locate and arrest him for theft under $500. Sadly, it’s only a misdemeanor. He deserves to get raped in prison at least once.

Baker obviously didn’t learn any lessons from this incident. Not only is his Facebook page still public, but he continued to joke about his crime on Facebook after getting out of jail. After returning home, he posted “just got out of jail” and then commented (with terrible grammar) “yea lol i went too jail over facebook,” followed by “yea lol u would just have to seen it it was funny as hell tho.”

My God, I fucking hate this kid. I’ve been throwing darts at his photo all day.

Original story HERE

Finder: Ghost Cocks

This weekend, after leaving a Pilates class, Miley hopped into a car and bared her gash for a 20 megapixel camera. You can see the uncensored photo HERE (hint: it looks a lot like other vaginas).

Before you go all anti-pedo on me, Miley Cyrus is 19-years-old. That doesn’t mean you can’t look at her now-legal lady parts just because she used to be underage.

For those of you actual pedophiles out there: sorry, but you can probably still catch a few peeks of camel toe on Hannah Montana re-runs. Oh yeah, and fuck you.

So there you have it. Miley Cyrus’s paginey. Cute huh? Better than Britney’s hideous downstairs mix-up.

Photo cred

If I asked you “What is the modern world lacking,” you’d probably reply with “peace,” but you’d be wrong.

The answer is “flying cars.”

Sure, flying cars aren’t a new idea — you’ve seen Harry Potter and Chiddy Chiddy Bang Bang (okay, well Harry Potter at least) — but nobody really made that dream a successful reality until a company called Terrafugia announced their prototype called the “Transition.”

The Transition is a car with collapsible wings. It gets better gas mileage on the road than a Dodge Neon and looks a trillion times more awesome — plus it can fly.

You might expect a Transition to sell for a few billion dollars, but it will actually retail for just $279,000 US dollars! That means that almost any upper-middle class person could afford one.

The flying vehicle can reach a top highway speed of 70 MPH, which is nothing compared to other normal cars, but imagine the thrill you’d get if some tool in a Porsche pulled up next to you and tried to race: Just extend your middle finger and fly away laughing.

The ONLY downside to owning a flying car is the 0.0001% chance that you’d survive a crash in one. There’s also the imminent government involvement and buttloads of anti-flying vehicle legislation that is bound to happen once a few orphanages get crashed into by women flyers.

Perhaps the best news is that you DON’T need a commercial pilot license to fly one of these. A test and 20 hours of flight training are all that’s required to take to the skies.

Flying cars are one step closer to teleports (teleporters?) becoming a reality. There goes my technology boner again! I just prematurely technogasmed!

You can reserve your Transition for only $10,000 down. So far, over 100 have been ordered, and they’re expected to launch (get it) this year. Hopefully.

For more information and technology boners, visit Terrafugia’s website.