Rather than spending his wages on a babysitter, Chen chains his son to a lamppost.

Despite the fact that some most people consider this blatant child neglect, there are several benefits of chaining your child to a lamppost outside a Beijing mall.

1) One less mouth to feed. Face it, it breaks peoples’ hearts to see a starving child on the street. Eventually, someone will give that kid some food, then you won’t have to.

2) Possible fighting career. When this kid grows up, he’s going to be a martial arts champion. Chuck Norris also spent his childhood chained to a lamppost in Beijing.

3) Bait. Like a worm on a hook for fishing, a baby chained to a lamppost is impossibly tempting for wild animals and child molesters alike. “Tonight, we eat coyote!”

4) Tetherball. If your baby doesn’t survive the winter chained to a lamppost, the least you can do is have some fun with it before the funeral. Get the neighborhood kids to join!

Besides, if chaining your kid to a lamppost is so “bad,” why hasn’t anyone stopped it?

Personally, I would choose a babysitter over a lamppost. I can’t have sex with a lamppost.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: “You can have sex with a lamppost, just cut some holes.” — Bill

Leave your comments in the comments section below.

A baby missing for five days was found alive and well under her baby sitter’s bed, and Florida authorities said Thursday they plan to charge the sitter, her husband and the child’s mother. [1]

Susan Baker was babysitting 7-month-old Shannon Dedrick on Halloween when the little girl went missing. Over 100 law enforcement agents and other volunteers combed the nearby swamps, but found no traces of the baby until they searched Baker’s home.

Inside Baker’s home, investigators found Shannon tucked in a box under a bed with items organized around the box as if to conceal it.

How she ever fit into a box with a massive melon like that is unknown.

Now it’s time to play the Scary Facts About Susan Baker Game!

In 1987, Susan Baker’s 3-year-old stepson, Paul Baker, went missing. He apparently disappeared while she was “napping,” and they never found his body.

That same year, Susan was charged with assault and battery with intent to kill after her 6-year-old daughter was found to be severely beaten — her hands were broken as well. She was convicted and sentenced to 10 years in prison, but only served 80 days.

80 days for beating the fuck out of a kid. Is that all you get? Hmmmm…

This is what Paul Baker would look like if Susan hadn’t killed him in ‘87.

Something tells me Susan Baker won’t be baking anything for a long time (Goddamn baking jokes. Sorry guys, that’s all I got for you. It’s Friday, for the love of dicks).

I had no idea you could leave infants completely on their own for five days (in the dark) without them dying. I’m gonna save a ton of money on babysitters when I have kids.

Which will be never.

Leave your comments in the comments section below.

Sources: 1